The work was intended primarily for those who assisted at the
Retreats given by Father Porter, and who welcomed the attempt to
have the lessons contained in them recalled to their memory: it
has, however, been equally welcomed by many who have never made
retreats, but who have found in the Notes helps to meditation and
rules for practical guidance in the difficulties of their spiritual
life in the world. Consider this instruction on self-love: WHAT I
have called self-love has a variety of names: self-preoccupation,
self-consciousness, self-introspection, etc. Whatever we call it,
it is a fact of spiritual life and of daily life that many persons
are liable to this fault. It is not a healthy frame of mind: it
shuts one out from good things. One is not a little puzzled how to
make a person see that she has self-love. You may know it is there,
but it is not easy to lay your hand upon it. You must get to it by
a roundabout way. Such people are always examining self-never being
satisfied with their introspection, worrying over it. One of the
most common forms is that of those who are always noticing what
they feel, not what they til ink. God has given us reason for our
guide. So long as we are reasoning we are in a good and healthy
state; but if, instead of judging, weighing, reflecting, etc., we
go by feeling, it is wrong. "I feel no devotion; I feel very
wooden," and so on. Doubt your feelings. Don't regulate your
conduct by them. There are persons who say, "I don't feel to pray;
I don't feel to believe, to have a soul to have anything spiritual
at all." This, if carried out in action, makes them leave out their
prayers and Communions. and is unwise and foolish in the extreme.
Yet those especially who are under the influence of self-love are
guided by feelings. What would reason tell you about missing
morning prayers? One has made a rule to go to confession and
Communion once a week. Then comes a period of blank in which no
devotion is experienced. She gives up the Sacraments one week, then
another week, and gradually she only receives them once or twice a
year. One meets people who have gone back in this way-through
self-love. When you get to the region of reason you don't feel. To
trust to feeling is a mistake. Feeling is in the lower part of the
soul. Our religious life really belongs to reason and free-will,
and is above the senses. Silence, recollection, will clear the way
and allow us to have the feeling of devotion, but it is dangerous
to he guided by feeling, and when you find yourselves noticing that
you feel or don't feel, suspect it. Another instance. One has been
trying to meditate, and one makes a bad hand of it, and then one
declares there is no use trying. Or one has a hasty temper, makes
resolutions against giving way to it, breaks them, and gives up
trying. Another form is vanity, speaking about myself, about my
infirmities and weaknesses if I have nothing else to speak of. I
hear a sermon, perhaps, against vanity, and resolve to fight
against it; but I don't carry out my resolution, and give it up. I
have sinned; there is no use trying; I won't try again. This seems
to these people humility, but It IS really conceit and pride.
Perhaps you will understand better how it comes from self-love if I
put before you an example. I have made my resolution at Holy
Communion, and at the end of breakfast I break it. The true thing
to say is: "It's not to be wondered at, but it is a thing to be
ashamed of; I am sorry, and I will try again. I won't give up
trying." There is an instance of self-love, and the absence of it.
Of ourselves, big resolutions and small performance.
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