The book that you are considering buying is nothing short of a VIP
Pass to Enlightenment, written by the UFC's most infamous and
feared destroyer of men--Chael P. Sonnen.
Backwoodsmen and unlearned folk call him the Walking Thesaurus. His
contemporaries have bestowed upon him the title Sir Sonnen. And
those dwelling in the forgotten, forlorn jungles south of the
equator reverently refer to him as "filho da puta, " a term Sonnen
personally deciphered using his mastery of linguistics. It means,
simply, "the Great and Humble Bearer of Knowledge."
In the coming pages, Sonnen's commentary and tales of heroic
adventure will initiate you into the world of superhuman greatness.
Allow him to carry you like a frail damsel through the world of
professional mixed martial arts as he cuts weight, deals with
moronic cornermen, expresses his disdain for focus mitts and
punching in general, gets his face rearranged, and finds support
and encouragement from fans. Permit him to cleanse your mind's
palate and teach you the truth about history, politics, endangered
species, cinema, terrorists, music, particle accelerators, and his
plans for creating a "Chaelocracy, " which translates as "a Better
Earth." Shower him with praise as he takes you into his manly mitts
like a lump of clay and reshapes you in his own likeness.
Like all men of myth and legend, Sonnen strives for the betterment
of the human race. Prometheus brought us fire; Dana White brought
us the modern-day gladiator; and Chael P. Sonnen now brings us the
step-by-step guide to being a great human being and patriot.
Purchase this book; learn how the world really works from the
perspective of a man who has been face-to-face with presidents,
wardens, dignitaries, judges, kings and queens, and athletic
commissions; and find out if you have what it takes to awaken from
your progressive nightmare.
There is no better day to stop being you and start trying to be
Chael P. Sonnen. The time has come for "The Voice of Reason."
Chael Sonnen is the best trash-talker in all of sports.
--Jim Rome
Host of The Jim Rome Show
I've never seen anything like it. He's the best thing since
Muhammad Ali
--Dana White
UFC President
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