Description

This was Chipmunka Publishing's second book release, and one of the most important books on mental illness ever written. A book that in the words of the author, "started out a suicide note and ended up a celebration of life." Dolly's outstanding memoir is the gripping tale of a woman's fight to come to terms with abuse, family pressures, prejudice and severe mental ill health. Sen describes the horrible reality of being diagnosed with both manic depression and schizophrenia and the prejudice she faced. Add to this a series of horrific experiences in her life, and it is remarkable how she has the strength to come through such events, writing with such vigour, optimism and warmness.

About the Author

Born in 1970, she had her first psychotic experience aged 14 which lead her to leave school. After years of mental illness, probably bought on by an abusive childhood, Dolly decided she should write about her experiences. She was inspired to write her own story after reading Jason Pegler's autobiography 'A Can of Madness'. She has since written five books, become a successful performance poet who has toured throughout Europe and has set up two charities.

by Dolly Sen

ISBN: 978 1 905610 94 5
Published: 2006
Pages: 183

Description

About the Author

Author, poet and activist Dolly Sen lives in Streatham, South London. Born in 1970, she had her first psychotic experience aged 14 which lead her to leave school. After year of mental illness, probably bought on by an abusive childhood, Dolly decided she should write about her experiences. She was inspired to write her own story after reading Jason Pegler's autobiography 'A Can of Madness'. She has since written five books, become a successful performance poet who has toured throughout Europe and has set up two charities.

Book Extract

"Writing has always helped me. I found it when I was 22 and it has kept me alive since then. During my worst depressions, writing gave me a reason to wake up in the morning. Would I still have carried on writing if I never was published? Of course I would. One of my favourite writers, Charles Bukowski, said of writing: 'It is the last expectation, the last explanation, that's what writing is'. A plain piece of paper won't judge you, criticize you. And above all it won't lie to you. If you can't say what needs to be said face to face, write it down.

People with mental health problems who are able should think about either writing their story or at least telling it. Their lives shouldn't be what they think are dirty secrets they have to hide. One woman at one of my book signings shook her head sadly and said, "I can't, it's too painful. And besides, nobody wants to hear it." That's what I thought once. I now know that to be untrue. People, men and women, young and old, rich and poor, have taken me aside after reading my book and say, sometimes with tears in their eyes, "This happened to me too. but please don't tell anyone that it did." This is painfully heart-rending. Because I think if you don't share it positively, it'll manifest somewhere else, in your body, in your relationship to others and the world. For example, it can be seen in some people's eyes; they try to smile, but their eyes don't believe it. Their eyes are telling their story - something about their life always will. So you might as well have some control over it.

Author, poet and activist Dolly Sen lives in Streatham, South London. Born in 1970, she had her first psychotic experience aged 14 which lead her to leave school. After years of mental illness, probably bought on by an abusive childhood, Dolly decided she should write about her experiences. She was inspired to write her own story after reading Jason Pegler's autobiography 'A Can of Madness'. She has since written five books, become a successful performance poet who has toured throughout Europe and has set up two charities. Dolly is a key figure in the mental health movement and regularly appears on television and radio talking about mental health issues. Book Extract Prolog Cz owiek... to ksi ka czytaj ca sam siebie." P.N. Furbank o Diderocie Jestem nienawi ci do samej siebie, otoczon przez lustra. Nie takie szklane lustra, ktorych tyle wyt uk am, e pech mnie nie opu ci, cho bym y a tysi c razy. Nie - to lustra oczu, ktore bezustannie mnie ledz . Lustra, ktore maj imiona i dusze. Lustra, ktore si u miechaj i k ami . Masz oczy jak tata i k amiesz jak tata. Musisz z sob sko czy " - s ysz natr tne g osy. Czy wspomnienia mog zamieni si w psychoz ? Niektore parz mnie jak roz arzone elazo. Pisz c ten pami tnik, musz si strzec, eby nie zamieni si w list po egnalny. Moj ojciec by aktorem i muzykiem, wi c wychowywa am si w rod ludzi z bran y rozrywkowej. Ojciec uwa a si te za komika, ale miech rzadko go ci w naszym domu. Moj pierwsz rol filmow, ktor pami tam, by o statystowanie w Imperium kontratakuje. Planem filmowym by o wn trze stacji kosmicznej i wsz dzie roi o si od pokracznych stworow. Nie wiedzia am, e to si dzieje na niby - by am pewna, e to dokument. Dwadzie cia lat po niej moj umys te opu ci Ziemi . Z no em w r ku stoj nad pi cym ojcem. Widz w nim straszliwego obcego," ktory czyha na moj zgub, dlatego musi zgin . Chc uderzy go no em prosto w twarz. Ten si mieje, kto si mieje ostatni" - mowi . Nie dbam, e to mnie doprowadzi do czubkow lub samobojstwa. Jak to uj moj psychiatra, Dolly, twoj nast pny przystanek to pokoj bez klamek." Nie dbam o to, bo robi, co robi, eby prze y . Tak trudno to zrozumie ? Patrz, jak pi i czekam na odpowiedni moment, eby go zabi . Czekam. Czekam. Odor jego potu, resztki jedzenia w brodzie i plwociny na pod odze tylko podsycaj wzbieraj cy we mnie gniew. Wznosz no, gotowa zatopi go w tym ludzkim mieciu. Ze ciany wpatruje si we mnie inna para oczu. To moje zdj cie z dzieci stwa, u miecham si do obiektywu. Trzykrotnie zbieram si w sobie, eby wbi no w g ow ojca, ale dziecko mnie obserwuje i nie mog si na to zdoby . Przepraszam, e robi z ciebie morderczyni - mowi do fotografii. - Kiedy by am dzieckiem, ma dziewczynk ..."