In the wake of a catastrophic two-year relationship, Melissa Febos
decided to take a break: For three months she would abstain from
dating, relationships, and sex. Her friends were amused. Did she really
think three months was a long time? But to Febos, it was. Ever since
her teens, she had been in one relationship after another with men and
women. As she puts it, she could trace a “daisy chain of romances” from
her adolescence to her midthirties. Finally, she would carve out time
to focus on herself and examine the patterns that had produced her
midlife disaster. Over those first few months, she gleaned insights
into her past and awoke to the joys of being single. She decided to
extend her celibacy, not knowing it would become the most fulfilling
and sensual year of her life. No longer defined by her romantic
pursuits, she learned to relish the delights of solitude, the thrill of
living on her own terms, the distinct pleasures unmediated by lovers,
and the freedom to pursue her ideals without distraction or guilt.
Bringing her own experiences into conversation with those of women
throughout history—from eleventh-century mystic Hildegard von Bingen,
Virginia Woolf, and Octavia Butler to the Shakers and Sappho—Febos
situates her story within a newfound lineage of role models who
unapologetically pursued their ambitions and ideals.
By abstaining from all forms of romantic entanglement, Febos began to
see her life and her self-worth in a radical, new way. Her year of
divestment transformed her relationships with friends and peers, her
spirituality, her creative practice, and, most of all, her relationship
to herself. Blending intimate personal narrative and incisive cultural
criticism, The Dry Season tells a story that’s as much about celibacy
as its inverse: pleasure, desire, fulfillment. Infused with fearless
honesty and keen intellect, it’s the memoir of a woman learning to live
at the center of her own story, and a much-needed catalyst for a new
conversation around sex and love.
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