What if you dared to want more – from love, from life, from yourself?

Deepa Paul rises from her boyfriend’s bed in the early hours of dawn. She gets dressed, slips away with a kiss and cycles home, where she is welcomed lovingly by her husband. There isn’t a glimmer of shame, deception or guilt, only the honesty and compassion needed to make this kind of life possible – even if it wasn’t always this easy.

Whose idea was it? What are the rules? Are you ever jealous? Deepa answers these questions openly and tenderly, as she seeks truths that many of us long to discover, but few dare to ask. Is there more to life and love than what I’ve always known? Do I deserve it? Is it worth it?

Intimate and bold, this is one woman’s story of becoming, of desire and of identity, and of finding the answers she believed she deserved – one question at a time.

*Previously published in hardback as Ask Me How It Works: Love in an Open Marriage*

A beautiful, vibrant and surprising memoir about love, desire and marriage . . . one question at a time.

In the early hours of dawn in Amsterdam, Deepa Paul rises from her boyfriend’s bed. She gets dressed, slips away with a kiss and cycles home, where she is welcomed into the arms of her husband, whose contentment is mellow alongside her own. There isn’t a glimmer of shame, deception or guilt, only the honesty and compassion needed to make this kind of life possible — even if it wasn’t always this easy.

You might have questions. Whose idea was it? What are the rules? Are you ever jealous? In this memoir, Deepa offers her answers openly and tenderly, as she explores the truth to questions of her own. Can I ask for what I want, and still honour the life I have chosen? Do I deserve it? Is it worth it?

Unexpectedly relatable and joyfully vibrant, this is one woman’s story of discovering her own desires and how to liberate them, of shifting identities from mother to lover and back again, and of finding the courage to ask for the marriage she wanted, beyond the marriage she had.

One question at a time.