You don't have to own a dog and you don't have to be Jewish... A humour title about using guilt, shame and passive aggression to raise your dog that will have you barking with laughter. A 'Not Missing Yet' sign informs neighbours that dog is not missing. Some trainers call this precaution unnecessary. We say: It couldn't hurt. Finally! The dog training techniques and tips developed by the renowned Rabbis of the Boca Raton Theological Seminary are available in book form. Look out, monks. Step aside, whisperer. Rabbi Monica and Rabbi Alan show, step by step, how you can use guilt, shame, passive aggression, sarcasm and Conditional Unconditional Love to create an unbreakable bond with your dog. It's all here, including: - The five ways of commanding 'Sit!' ('What, would it kill you to sit down for one lousy second?') - A useful list of Advanced Commands ('Don't stare at Cousin Edith's hair when she comes over.') - How to use Situational Martyrdom when the dog disobeys ('Fine. Do what you want. I hope you have a nice life.') The rabbis have been training dogs - and their owners - for 20 years. Now they bring the fruits of their vast experience to dog owners everywhere. And the best part? You don't have to be Jewish to benefit from the programme. Just neurotic. Or crazy about your dog.

This debut novel has a fast-paced plot, clever heroes, evil (albeit buffoonish) villains, a sly sense of humour and is filled with puns, word games, puzzles and even a recipe for meatloaf. Illustrations by internationally acclaimed artist Jeremy Holmes give the book even more kid appeal and makes the book a visual stand-out.

In text that captures the unique rhythms of the original Dick and Jane readers, and in 35 all-new illustrations, a story unfolds in which the ultra-WASPish Dick and Jane - hero and heroine of the classic books for children that generations have used when learning to read - manage to express shades of feeling and nuances of meaning that ordinary English just can't deliver. How? By speaking Yiddish, employing terms that convey an attitude - part plucky self-assertion, part ironic fatalism. When Dick schmoozes, when Jane kvetches, when their children fress noodles at a Chinese restaurant, the clash of cultures produces genuine hilarity... YIDDISH WITH DICK AND JANE tells a simple story: Grandma gets sick and Dick and Jane's sister Sally visits. There are sub-plots about such ethical dilemmas as gift-giving etiquette and marital infidelity. The comedy intensifies in the glossary, which defines (with chutzpah aplenty!) each Yiddish term introduced in the text.

If, like most Americans, you think an Ivy League diploma paves the way to Nobel Prizes, Wall Street riches, and a life of prosperity and happiness, think again. Consider these "distinguished" alumni: * John Fairbanks (Dartmouth AB, 1946), embezzler * Amy Bishop (Harvard Ph.D., 1993), mass murderer * Eliot Spitzer (Princeton BA, 1981; Harvard JD, 1984), disgraced NY governor and patron of prostitutes * Cardinal Bernard F. Law (Harvard BA, 1952), protector of abusive priests * Jeffrey Skilling (Harvard MBA, 1979), felonious Enron CEO * Madison Grant (Yale BA, 1887; Columbia LL.B.), eugenicist * Ann Coulter (Cornell BA, 1984), professional bully * Jonah Lehrer (Columbia BA, 2003), plagiarist * Theodore Kaczynski (Harvard BA, 1962), the Unabomber In 85 brief profiles of murderers, rapists, racists, cheaters, lying politicians, slavers, oligarchs, war criminals, traitors, forgers, kiddie-porners, and other moral reprobates, MONSTERS OF THE IVY LEAGUE effectively--and entertainingly!--bursts the bubble of America's obsession with elite colleges.

Questions to Ask a Breeder: 1. What kind of job is this, growing dogs? 2. Are these dogs nice? I mean of course they are. But if not, is this refundable? 3. Is this a stable business? Do you make a decent living? 4. Does the insurance kill you or is it okay? 5. Dogs are animals ? does this mean you qualify for some kind of Federal ranch subsidies? 6. What do I say to people who want to know how I can spend $1500 and up on a dog when there are so many dogs to be rescued from the pound? The (make-believe) Rabbis of the (fictional) Boca Raton Theological Seminary have developed the essential dog training program for raising a Jewish dog. For the first time, the same dynamic blend of passive-aggressiveness and smothering indulgence, that unique alloy of infantilization and disingenuous manipulation that created generations of high-achieving Jewish boys and girls, can be applied to create a generation of high-achieving Jewish doggies. Written (for real) by Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman, co-authors of the bestselling Yiddish with Dick and Jane and Yiddish with George and Laura, this essential "guide" is sure to be a complete howl.