DID YOU KNOW THAT CARROTS CAUSE BLINDNESS AND BANANAS ARE RADIOACTIVE? That too many candlelight dinners can cause cancer? And not only is bottled water a veri-table petri dish of biohazards (so is tap water, by the way) but riding a bicycle might destroy your sex life? In "Encyclopedia Paranoiaca," master satirists Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf have assembled an authoritative, disturbingly comprehensive, and utterly debilitating inventory of things poised to harm, maim, or kill you--all of them based on actual research about the perils of everyday life. Thoroughly sourced and conveniently alphabetized for easy reference, this book just might save your life. (But it probably won't.)

Two of the funniest books ever published on their respective subjects - SAILING and GOLFING - are back. And better than ever. Repackaged in the irresistibly chunky, compulsively readable small square book format, each is a perfect gift for a new generation of obsessives. GOLFING is even funnier than when it was originally published. Now an avid golfer, Henry Beard brings the same passion for improvement to writing about golf as he does to playing it, and he's both added new definitions and rewritten many others. Like whiff - "Familiar term widely misused to describe particularly fast and powerful style of practice swing intentionally made directly over the ball." A classic, SAILING is "...quite simply the funniest book I have ever read" - William F. Buckley Jr. From ahoy - "The first in a series of four-letter words commonly exchanged by skippers as their boats approach each other" to zephyr - "A warm, pleasant breeze named after the mythical Greed god of wishful thinking, false hopes and unreliable forecasts" - it brings new meaning to the things said at sea.

In Encyclopedia Paranoiaca, master satirists Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf have assembled an authoritative, disturbingly comprehensive, and utterly debilitating inventory of things poised to harm, maim, or kill you all of them based on actual research about the perils of everyday life. Beard and Cerf cite convincing evidence that everyday things we consider healthy eating leafy greens, flossing, washing our hands are actually harmful, and items we thought were innocuous drinking straws, flip-flops, neckties, skinny jeans pose life-threatening dangers. Did you know that nearly ten thousand people are sent to A&E each year because of escalator accidents? And if you're crossing your legs right now, you're definitely at serious risk. Hilarious, insightful and, at times, downright terrifying, Encyclopedia Paranoiaca brings to light a whole host of hidden threats and looming dooms that make asteroid impacts, planetary pandemics and global warming look like a walk in the park (which is also emphatically not recommended).

In staff meetings and singles bars, on freeways and fairways, there are aggravating people lurking everywhere these days. But bestselling humorist Henry Beard has the perfect comeback for all prickly situations, offering a slew of quips your nemesis won't soon forget . . . or even understand. Beard's gift is his ability to make fun of popular culture and the current zeitgeist. In "X-Treme Latin he provides Latin with an attitude, an indispensable phrasebook that taps the secret power of Latin to deliver, in total safety, hundreds of impeccable put-downs, comebacks and wisecracks. Within its pages you will learn how to insult or fire coworkers; blame corporate scandals on someone else; cheer at a World Wrestling Entertainment match; talk back to your computer, TV, or Game Boy; deal with your road rage; evade threatening situations; snowboard in style; talk like Tony Soprano; and much more. With dozens more zingers for quashing e-mail pranks, psyching out your golf opponent, giving backhanded compliments and evading awkward questions, "X-Treme Latin is destined for "magnus popularity and will have readers cheering, ""Celebremus!"

- An ingenious mix of facts and flights of fancy: The history of golf begins in 732 AD, when a relic of St. Andrew--patron saint of Scotland and of golf--was found wearing a copper arthritis bracelet. And who could forget 1492, when Christopher Columbus discovered the birthplace of Tiger Woods. "Golf" is the perfect gift for the serious--and not so serious--golfer. .
- Bestselling humorist: Henry Beard has authored or coauthored ten parodies, five of which are "New York Times" bestsellers, as well as more than two dozen other humor books, including "French for Cats" and "The Official Politically Correct Dictionary" . .
- Golf is Beard's game: In a "New York Times" interview, Beard once said "It's the most insidious of sports because once in a while you have a day where you do extraordinarily well and you think you can do very well--and you can't. It's just a tease. Even a Zen monk would be driven crazy by golf." Beard has written seven other golf humor books, including "Golfing: The Duffer's Dictionary" and "The Official Rules of Bad Golf" ..

A bestselling, Harvard-bred humorist plans to knock out a slapdash, quick-buck parody of a wildly successful, head-spinning, clue-laden thriller in a flagrant attempt to cash in on the publishing sensation of the decade, but the tousle-haired satirist's sleazy scheme goes awry when his two heroes -- beautiful, brilliant Sandra Damsel and brawny, brainy Professor William Franklin -- stumble on an explosive and frankly preposterous centuries-old secret that plunges them into a puzzle-packed, plot-crammed, prose-swollen Washington intrigue whose flabbergasting finale will determine the outcome of the 2004 presidential election.
Cryptic praise for "The Dick Cheney Code"
"1, 1 " (highest rating) -- "The Fibonacci Report"
"Hysterical Lacey shirt " -- "Anagram Monthly"
"I laughed so hard I xxxxxx in my pants " -- "Redacter's Digest"
"I bend over double I hold my sides I tickle my ribs I slap my thighs " -- "Mime Magazine"
"Three syllables, sounds like: Upper arm? Broken arm? Broken bone? Radius? Humerus? HUMOROUS " -- "Charade Magazine"
"Too funny for words " (9 letters, starting with P, ending in S) -- "Acrostic Review"