It be the Passover Haggadah, as Shakespeare would hast writ it, hadst the idea occurred to him. Art thee a teenager? Most wondrous. How about a tweenager? Coequal better. Perhaps thou art a drossy adolescent or gamesome adult? Readeth this while the stodgy elders and fartuous children readeth the haggadot, catered only to those folk—until now. Thou canst useth this as an actual Haggadah too, as the full Hebrew text be on the left, and Shakespeare's rendering be on the right. So it readeth right, which sounds like it should beest the opposite, but it be not as confusing as thou mayest thinketh.

Until a vaccine arrives, & until all comply with self-isolating & distancing, the only thing left to battle the 11th plague of coronavirus is humor. That's all we have. So enjoy around the Passover table, & may we return to the Old Normal soon. Amen. All proceeds go to whom the book is dedicated: for all those in the trenches. Note: formatting might be imperfect, due to the rush to get this out before Passover 2020.

A century ago, a little known writer named Mark Twain wrote a silly novella called Extracts from Adam's Diary. It imagined the recorded daily life of the first man. Two years later, Mr. Twain's wife passed away, and he wrote a melancholy follow-up with Eve as the imagined diarist. Together, these stories were published as The Diaries of Adam & Eve. A century later, a well known writer named Martin Bodek enjoyed the books, discovered that Twain left the concept for another to pick up where he left off, and decided to give it a try. Yes, he's that arrogant, he's written a sequel for Mark Twain.

This book details the adventure of the 3rd iteration of the famed JRunners Relay Race, in which Martin Bodek coaxed each of the runners to detail the race from their perspective. No other running book has ever brought the points of view from each participant in a race. Also included are runner inputs from the first two editions of the race, a history of JRunners, and a complete picture of the club and its impassioned members.

A dialogue between two friends on the way to synagogue on matters concerning God, religion, evolution, science, knowledge, ignorance, truth, faith and skepticism.

Martin Bodek spent a year encountering the nose-pickers, nail-clippers, cellphone-yappers, lane cut-offers, people who stand akimbo, child slappers, personal space invaders, stores that have cashiers who can't decipher coupons, customer service idiots, the rude, the people who need BlackBerry helmets, line cutters, public masturbators, escalator mudsticks, teenagers discussing what liquids induce abortion, and decided to write about it. This is what he wrote.

This book is the King James Version of the first term of George W. Bush's presidency. Get it? No? Well, general narrative samples include: * The transfer of power from Clinton to Bush, which appropriates the narrative of Moses passing the leadership to Joshua. * Bush's overseas visits, which uses the narrative of the Israelites moving from place to place during their sojourn in the Sinai Desert. * Bush's decision to invade Iraq, which occurs when God appears to him in a burning bush and declares that Bush declare to Pharaoh Hussein to "let my Iraqi people go." Get it now? No? How about the first three sentences to get a feel?: 1. After the rule of Clinton the servant of the Lord, it came to pass that the Lord spoke to Bush the son of Bush, saying, 2. "Clinton My servant is gone. Now therefore, arise, go over this Mississippi, you and all your emissaries, to the land which I am giving to them, to the king's cabinet. Now you got it. (right?)