“I am a one-year-old and this is my autobiography....”

Have you ever looked at your baby and wondered what he or she is thinking? Are you ready to find out?

“I thought it was about time someone told it like it is. So I’m spilling the beans on the world of a one-year-old. A world where you’re left in the charge of totally inept parents. Where everything’s at completely the wrong height. Where you’re not allowed to splash in the bath but you are in the pool. Where nobody understands a single word you say. And where diapers and poop loom large at every turn.

“It’s a roller-coaster ride through one heck of a year. I’ve laughed a lot, I’ve cried a lot, I’ve learned a lot. And so will you. You might even discover the answer to that age-old question: Humpty Dumpty — did he fall or was he pushed?

“Anyway, must run. I see a bowl of tepid gloop is being spooned out for me. What joy.”

Welcome to the wonderful world of your one-year-old.