From the fevered and alien parasite-infested mind of Reddit D-Lister Top_Gorilla17 comes the first volume of his tales of scum, villainy, and perhaps if you buy him enough slippery nipples, a bit of ribaldry! Behold this whimsical and disturbing peek into the psyche of the self-described Emperor of Iowa, and his many adventures, most of which really happened! Bear literary witness to the time he farted on a duly elected government official! Chortle with rapturous glee as he recounts the time he broke all ten of the commandments of the Hebrew God! Shift your weight uncomfortably as you find out, quite against your will, precisely what he means by the phrase 'Hot dogging'! So don't be caught in that airplane lavatory reading yet another Dan Patterson novel, you weenie! Instead, read the critically-ignored 'Top Gorilla's Tales Of Scum And Villainy,' which Top_Gorilla's girlfriend was heard describing as "Pretty good, I guess."