When I was young, I knew God loved me. I followed Him. Being His
child was natural and easy. Then I hit puberty, and my world
changed. There were things I saw that I wanted, things that I
thought He might not want me to have. I started to wander. Still, I
was not stupid. I knew I still needed Him as Savior; it was His
Lordship that gave me pause. Eventually I stripped Him of His
Lordship and went to live in the "fallen world." I kept Him as my
Savior, but I made no effort to follow Him. I loved my life in the
fallen world. Still, it had its challenges. There were times I
would find myself in the dreaded "Valley of the Shadow of Death." I
knew somehow He was responsible. It was in the "Valley" that I
would find myself needing Him. Eventually I would have to call on
Him. And rescue me He would, but I refused anything but temporary
rescue. I would be thankful for a few days, but the desire for my
old life in the fallen world would soon reclaim me, and I would put
Him back on the shelf. There was so much out there to grab for, and
the fallen world did push and encourage me to go for happy. There
was a problem with that: I was created to be filled with joy, His
joy. "Happy" was just a temporary, dim simulation. I finally had to
face the questions. Does He really love me? Is He really to be
trusted? Is He really the God of the Bible? If the answer to these
questions was yes, could I really have enough confidence in Him to
make Him my center and follow Him?
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