Our obsession with praise and blame begins soon after birth.
Totally dependent on others, rapidly we learn to value praise and
to fear the consequences of blame. Despite outgrowing an infant's
dependence, we continue to monitor others' judgments of us-and
develop what relational psychologist Terri Apter calls a "judgment
meter", which constantly scans people and our interactions with
them, registering a positive or negative opinion. Apter reveals how
interactions between parents and children, within couples, and
among friends and colleagues are permeated with praise and blame
that range far beyond specific compliments and accusations. Drawing
on three decades of research, Apter gives us tools to learn about
our personal needs, goals and values; to manage our biases; to
tolerate others' views; and to make sense of our most powerful, and
often confusing, responses to ourselves and to others.
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