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How do we communicate with people who disagree with us? In today's
polarized world, friends and strangers clash with each other over
issues large and small. Coworkers have conflicts in the office.
Married couples fight over finances. And online commenters demonize
one another's political and religious perspectives. Is there any
hope for restoring civil discourse? Communications expert Tim
Muehlhoff provides a strategy for having difficult conversations,
helping us move from contentious debate to constructive dialogue.
By acknowledging and entering into the other person's story, we are
more likely to understand where they're coming from and to
cultivate common ground. Insights from Scripture and communication
theory provide practical ways to manage disagreements and resolve
conflicts. We can disagree without being disagreeable. And we can
even help another see different points of view and learn from one
another. Find out how.
Shame is bad. Too often it cripples and silences victims of other
people's shameful behavior, and research has demonstrated clearly
the damaging effects of shame on our emotional wellbeing. In recent
years a mini-industry of bestselling books, TED Talks, and popular
therapies has emerged to free people from deleterious shame. And
yet, a place for shame remains. Some behavior is shameful, and
sometimes we ought to be ashamed by wrongs we've committed. Eastern
and Western cultures alike have long seen a social benefit to
shame, and it can rightly cultivate virtues both public and
personal. So what are we to make of shame? In For Shame,
philosopher and author Gregg Ten Elshof examines this potent
emotion carefully, distinguishing between it, embarrassment, and
guilt and carefully tracing the positive role shame has played
historically in contributing to a well-ordered society. While
casting off unhealthy shame is always a positive, Ten Elshof
demonstrates the surprising, sometimes unacknowledged ways in which
healthy shame is as needed as ever. On the other side of good
shame, he argues, lie virtues such as decency, self-respect, and
dignity--virtues we desire but may not realize shame can grant. So
perhaps shame is good--or better put, a certain kind of shame can
yield unexpectedly good gifts.
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