There are two common parenting styles with defined negative effects at two extremes: rigid and chaotic. Rigid parenting involves excessive rules, narrow expectations from parents for their children, and unreasonable punishments. Children raised in these conditions become adults who frequently suffer from anxiety, OCD, and perfectionism. They are often defensive and reactive, seeking out acceptance and approval from others

In contrast, chaotic parenting offers few to no rules, allowing children to do whatever they want without boundaries or consequences and failing to help them discover their strengths and capabilities. These children become adults who have identity issues, codependency, and poor boundaries. Their relationships often focus on becoming what they think others want them to be.

By uncovering what kind of parenting you received, you can better understand who you are and why you do the things you do and be able to determine what changes you would like to make. Becoming a healthy person is about being the person God intended you to be. This guide can help you take the steps necessary to becoming that person.

Abuse in the church is real. The place where one expects to find love, inspiration, and healing can become the very place where harm and destruction occur. Sadly, pastors and church leaders can bring abuse to their people through the use of a rigid and harsh approach to leadership. Other leaders are indifferent about what happens at church. When legalism and self-righteousness dominate or permissiveness is pervasive, the church that God intended is destroyed.

In "Understanding Abusive Church Leadership: What It Looks Like and How It Debilitates the Life and Spirit of Church Members," author Judy R. De Wit presents a challenge to you to identify what kind of leadership your church uses. Once you determine its approach, you can determine what changes your church should make to enhance a healthier church environment-one that leads to a better church for everyone.

Christ's mandate for His Church is for it to be a place of healing, restoration, and recovery. Everyone should feel safe to be a member. "Understanding Abusive Church Leadership" seeks to equip you to help your church to serve God as He intended.

Abuse in the church is real. The place where one expects to find love, inspiration, and healing can become the very place where harm and destruction occur. Sadly, pastors and church leaders can bring abuse to their people through the use of a rigid and harsh approach to leadership. Other leaders are indifferent about what happens at church. When legalism and self-righteousness dominate or permissiveness is pervasive, the church that God intended is destroyed.

In "Understanding Abusive Church Leadership: What It Looks Like and How It Debilitates the Life and Spirit of Church Members," author Judy R. De Wit presents a challenge to you to identify what kind of leadership your church uses. Once you determine its approach, you can determine what changes your church should make to enhance a healthier church environment-one that leads to a better church for everyone.

Christ's mandate for His Church is for it to be a place of healing, restoration, and recovery. Everyone should feel safe to be a member. "Understanding Abusive Church Leadership" seeks to equip you to help your church to serve God as He intended.

"How do I forgive the church?" is an interesting question. Many ask it. Many can't answer it. Abuse by a church leader is horrendous and evil. It often goes outside of anything we ever thought or imagined a pastor or church leader could do. The very persons we thought we could trust betray by abusing.

Are you familiar with what abuse in the context of the church looks like? Child sexual abuse, sexual assault, physical and emotional abuse, breaching confidentiality, undue influence, fraud, defamation, and clergy malpractice are some examples. When trust is betrayed because of wrongful behavior by a church leader, confusion, harm, and anger set in.

Faced with the effects of abuse, a victim is torn about how to recover and heal. Sleepless nights, fears, anxiety, depression, self-esteem issues, fatigue, low energy, and irritability are all common symptoms of abuse. Because of the abuse, relationship issues, fears of intimacy, family problems, and shame are thrust into the victim's life and she struggles with how to handle the problems. Pair that up with the abuser being a church leader, and the entire process for recovery, healing, and forgiveness exceeds most people's understanding. Life that was once simple and good now becomes something that is nearly impossible to handle.

"Forgiving the Church" helps church leaders, church members, and faith communities understand what abuse looks like and how churches have a responsibility to help victims forgive. It provides stories and examples of how the church abuses and gives ideas for how to help victims begin the process of forgiveness. Although it is the victim's responsibility to forgive, the church should take specific actions to help ensure a greater possibility that the victim can begin the forgiveness process.

Church leaders, this book will help you understand abuse in the church and what you should do to help victims begin the process of forgiveness. Victims, this book will help you begin to understand how you can start the forgiveness process when you've been abused by the church.

There are two common parenting styles with defined negative effects at two extremes: rigid and chaotic. Rigid parenting involves excessive rules, narrow expectations from parents for their children, and unreasonable punishments. Children raised in these conditions become adults who frequently suffer from anxiety, OCD, and perfectionism. They are often defensive and reactive, seeking out acceptance and approval from others

In contrast, chaotic parenting offers few to no rules, allowing children to do whatever they want without boundaries or consequences and failing to help them discover their strengths and capabilities. These children become adults who have identity issues, codependency, and poor boundaries. Their relationships often focus on becoming what they think others want them to be.

By uncovering what kind of parenting you received, you can better understand who you are and why you do the things you do and be able to determine what changes you would like to make. Becoming a healthy person is about being the person God intended you to be. This guide can help you take the steps necessary to becoming that person.

"Where does abuse come from?" is an interesting question that has a difficult answer. However, what this book offers may be the beginning point of finding the answer to that question.

This book starts by helping you understand and identify what approach your parents used with you when you were a child. As you make that determination, you will begin to understand how you became you and why you do the things you do. Whether your parents' approach was strict and harsh or was chaotic and slack, determining where your parents were on a continuum will help you understand how you became you. This book explains how certain parenting styles are likely to produce certain traits and characteristics you have as an adult. If Dad or Mom's style of parenting was strict and harsh, you are likely to be a perfectionist, suffer from anxiety, and have OCD issues. It's possible you were emotionally and physically abused by them. If your parents had a chaotic style to parenting, it's likely you face identity issues and have a difficult time living a structured life. Sexual abuse may have been a part of your growing up years.

Along with this, this book shares how to understand leadership in the church using the same continuum. When church leaders use a harsh and strict way to lead the church, legalism will dominate. When church leaders are promiscuous and slack in their approach, chaos in the church reigns. For both parenting styles and church leadership styles, being in the middle of the continuum - flexible - are where families and churches function best.

This book provides a step-by-step process for councils and elders boards should they be faced with having to respond to abuse allegations by a church leader. When councils and elder boards are faced with uncertainty about how to proceed, this book shows how to respond to the complainant, the accused, their families and the entire congregation if such a thing did happen. Determining truth, establishing evidence, investigating allegations, and make determinations of what to do are explained in this book.

Christ's mandate for His Church is about bringing healing and restoration to His broken world. The church is never to be an agent of harm or abuse. As leaders, filling that mandate is critical and crucial in obedience to Him. This includes addressing and responding to abuse when it happens in your faith community.

Abuse in the church is real. Abuse in our families is real. No matter what denomination or affiliation you belong to, abuse is happening. Your church is no exception.

So church leaders, what are you going to do when allegations of abuse by one of your church leaders comes to your council table? Your journey about what God wants you to do in your response may begin by what's found in this book. Judy R. De Wit