Once children hit adolescence, it seems as if overnight "I love you" becomes "leave me alone" and any question from a parent can be dismissed with one word: "fine." But while they may not show it, teenagers benefit from their parents' curiosity, delight and connection. In The Teen Interpreter, psychologist Terri Apter looks inside adolescents' minds-minds that are experiencing powerful new emotions and awareness of the world around them-to show how parents can revitalise their relationship. She illuminates the rapid neurological developments of a teenagers' brain, explains the power of teenage friendships, and explores the positives and pitfalls of social media. With perceptive conversation exercises that synthesise research from more than thirty years in the field, Apter illustrates how teenagers signal their changing needs and identities-and how parents can interpret these signals to see the world through their teenager's eyes. The Teen Interpreter is a generous roadmap for enjoying the most challenging, and rewarding, parenting years.

Once children hit adolescence, it seems as if overnight “I love you� becomes “leave me alone,� and any question from a parent can be dismissed with one word: “fine.� But while they may not show it, teenagers rely on their parents’ curiosity, delight and connection to guide them through this period of exuberant growth as they navigate complex changes to their bodies, their thought processes, their social world and their self-image. In The Teen Interpreter, psychologist Terri Apter looks into teens’ minds—minds that are experiencing powerful new emotions and awareness of the world around them—to show how parents can revitalise their relationship with their children. She illuminates the rapid neurological developments of a teen’s brain, along with their new, complex emotions and offers strategies for disciplining unsafe actions constructively and empathetically. Apter includes up-to-the moment case studies that shed light on the anxieties and vulnerabilities that today’s teens face, and she thoughtfully explores the positives and pitfalls of social media. With perceptive conversation exercises that synthesise research from more than thirty years in the field, Apter illustrates how teens signal their changing needs and identities—and how parents can interpret these signals and see the world through their teens’ eyes. The Teen Interpreter is a generous roadmap for enjoying the most challenging, and rewarding, parenting years.

Mother love is often seen as sacred, but for many children the relationship is a painful struggle. Using the newest research on human attachment and brain development, Terri Apter, an internationally acclaimed psychologist and writer, unlocks the mysteries of this complicated bond. She showcases the five different types of difficult mother-the angry mother, the controlling mother, the narcissistic mother, the envious mother, and the emotionally neglectful mother-and explains the patterns of behavior seen in each type. Apter also explores the dilemma at the heart of a difficult relationship: why a mother has such a powerful impact on us and why we continue to care about her responses long after we have outgrown our dependence. She then shows how we can conduct an "emotional audit" on ourselves to overcome the power of the complex feelings a difficult mother inflicts. In the end this book celebrates the great resilience of sons and daughters of difficult mothers as well as acknowledging their special challenges.

Our obsession with praise and blame begins soon after birth. Totally dependent on others, rapidly we learn to value praise and to fear the consequences of blame. Despite outgrowing an infant's dependence, we continue to monitor others' judgments of us-and develop what relational psychologist Terri Apter calls a "judgment meter", which constantly scans people and our interactions with them, registering a positive or negative opinion. Apter reveals how interactions between parents and children, within couples, and among friends and colleagues are permeated with praise and blame that range far beyond specific compliments and accusations. Drawing on three decades of research, Apter gives us tools to learn about our personal needs, goals and values; to manage our biases; to tolerate others' views; and to make sense of our most powerful, and often confusing, responses to ourselves and to others.

This work asks why women's progress towards equality remains slow. Neither male conspiracies nor women's psychology is at fault, but social structures which fail to accommodate peole who both need to earn a living and who are obliged to care for their families underlie persistent inequalities. Many women do succeed in combining motherhood with career success, but they do so by escaping set patterns both at work and in the home. This book charts the odds against them and their methods of triumph. Terri Apter is the author of Altered Loves: Mothers and Daughters during Adolescence.

This "substantial contribution to the literature on sibling relationships" (Library Journal) explores the intricacy, friction, and love in bonds between sisters. Relationships between women are often freighted with a rocky mix of emotions-devotion and disregard, affection and loathing, admiration and envy-leading to anguish and confusion on the playground, in the home, and in the boardroom. Negotiating her layered feelings toward a sister shapes a woman's psychology as forcefully as do her relationships with her parents. Drawing on compelling interviews and new research, Terri Apter considers the many aspects of the sister relationship from birth through adulthood. The need to fight to differentiate oneself from a sister, as well the protectiveness one feels for that same person, is explained by reference to extensive psychological and biological evidence.

Best Friends provides the missing link to understanding and recognizing the impact of some of the most important relationships in girls' and women's lives.

Every woman remembers the sting of betrayal of a girlfriend, and every parent of a daughter has seen her come home from school in tears because a girl she thought was her best friend suddenly and inexplicably became her enemy. While boys hash out differences with fists and kicks, girls' societies are marked by secrets and whispers and shifting affection. The lessons learned as an adolescent girl are often carried into adulthood, making women fear confrontation--especially with other women. But the intensity of the struggles reflects the support and healing to be found within these friendships. Girls find themselves in the mirror of other girls, hence the power each has to influence the other.

Ruthellen Josselson and Terri Apter's many years of working with hundreds of girls and women have given them insight into the emotionally important relationships that are integral to a girl's self-image. Best Friends explores the bonds of friendship between girls and between women and the sorrows and joys they experience together, from early adolescence and throughout their lives.

Women in the New Midlife

"The author of Altered Loves . . . now turns her analytical eye toward middle-aged women. The result is both lively and revealing."--New York Times Book Review

In this groundbreaking and insightful study Terri Apter traces womens midlife course, drawing on detailed interviews with women in their forties and fifties. Apter finds that women experience a renewed sense of themselves and see the second half of life as an opportunity for psychological growth and fulfillment instead of a time of despair over lost youth and beauty.

She divides midlife women into four categories--traditional, innovative, expansive, protesting--and shows the cause for the midlife crisis and the path toward resolution for each type.

"This innovative study emphasizes skills women can use to create new visions for themselves."--Publishers Weekly

"A forceful examination of women who find in their 40s and 50s a psychological growth hormone to replace lost estrogen."--Kirkus Reviews

"An extremely important book. . . . Her writing offers perceptions rare in psychology."--Carol Gilligan

Terri Apter is a social psychologist in Cambridge, England.

When we marry, we believe the bond is between only two individuals. Few of us realize the power that in-laws exert over our lives. What Do You Want from Me? takes a fresh look at how the in-laws we acquire when we marry affect our quality of life—our marriage, family, personal comfort, and long-term well-being—for better or worse. Here is an essential book for husbands and wives, parents and children, seeking to strengthen the bonds of family.

Raising confident, motivated children is a parent's greatest challenge. Drawing on her own extensive research on children and parents, and on Daniel Goleman's concept of emotional intelligence, Terri Apter has created a strategy based on emotional coaching--learning to respond appropriately to a child's feelings--for parents to promote self-esteem in children.
Children who believe in themselves and have confidence are known to experience future successes, to be less frustrated in learning, and to show overall higher performance. This compassionate guidebook shows parents how to help their child acquire self-esteem building skills and offers parents a plan for learning how to discipline, communicate, and deal with their children's emotional life, an important link to building self-esteem.
In an accessible style, with down-to-earth examples of children's lives in the family and in school, Apter shows parents how to raise a child to solve problems, to be socially active and understand others, to express feelings appropriately, and to manage emotions--all of which are crucial skills in developing confidence. Every parent and caring adult should own a copy of this necessary parenting guide.

Mothers and teenage daughters argue more than any other child-parent pair on average every two-and-a-half days. These quarrels, Terri Apter shows, are attempts to negotiate changes in a relationship that is valued by both mothers and daughters. A daughter often feels her mother doesn't know or understand her, and by fighting hopes to force her mother into a new awareness of who she really is, how she has changed, and what she is now capable of doing and understanding. But mothers often misinterpret their daughter's outbursts as signs of rejection, and they may pull back feeling hurt and confused. Through case studies and conversations between mothers and daughters, Apter shows mothers how to interpret the meanings behind a daughter's angry words and how to emerge from arguments with a new closeness."

"Parents and young adults alike should benefit from the advice in Apter's insightful book."—Washington Post

What do young people at the threshold of adulthood really need and want? Why do so many responsible and motivated teenagers become young adults who are still dependent, financially and emotionally, on their parents? Why are many young people today so quick to leave childhood behind, but so slow to become adults?

In this wise and compassionate book, Terri Apter debunks outdated and misguided ideas about maturity: Acting in the name of love, many parents withdraw emotional or practical support, thinking it best for a son or daughter to solve his or her own problems—even to suffer alone the consequences of mistakes. Apter shows us that young adults actually need a parent's guidance and support, while also requiring respect and independence. Based on carefully observed case studies and current research, this book describes how we can support young people through a crucial stage in their development.

Are mothers jealous of their developing daughters? Is an early mother-child bond severed during adolescence and never formed again? What does adolescence feel like to a girl?
Drawing on detailed interviews with mothers and daughters from Terri Apter's research in Great Britain and America, and from recent psychological studies of family interaction, Altered Loves is a frank, moving, and insightful examination of this crucial time in a woman's life. Apter shows that contrary to the classical view of adolescence as a stage in which daughters reject their mothers, adolescent daughters often remain strongly attached to them. The strife that characterizes this period is actually the result of trying to renegotiate a valued relationship.
Beautifully written, Altered Loves explodes conventional myths and theories about mother-daughter relationships and offers new and valuable insights that will help mothers remember and daughters understand the delicate, painful, and complex process of becoming a woman.

When we marry, we believe the bond is between only two individuals. Few of us realize the power that inlaws will exert over our lives. But the in-laws we acquire when we marry affect our quality of life our marriage, family, personal comfort, and long-term well-being for better or worse. What Do You Want From Me? takes a fresh look at the age-old problem of managing conflict with in-laws, offering practical help for dealing with problems that are both immediate ( How do I deal with my in-laws now? ) and strategic ( How can I change the nature of my in-laws demands? ). Terri Apter, a psychologist whose books on family dynamics have received international acclaim, draws on nearly two decades of psychological research to pinpoint the sources of tension between in-laws and explore the ways in which we can build healthy relationships with the in-laws in our lives."