A therapist/sage's ironies re "the mechanisms for the pursuit of
unhappiness" - situated somewhere between Dan Greenburg's parodies
(most recently, How to Avoid Love and Marriage, p. 929) and R.D.
Laing's airy dialogues. The "true genius" of negation, writes
Watzlawick, (How Real Is Real? etc.), rejects not only what other
people recommend, but even what "he himself considers the best
decision." Such persons find, in the past, "more of the same"
(hence neurosis - and lengthy psychoanalysis). They not only create
problems, they avoid problems "for the purpose of their
perpetuation" (pickpockets, exhaust fumes, "incandescent fragments
of American or Soviet space satellites"). They are prey to
"self-fulfilling prophecies" ("others are whispering behind our
backs") - and expert at not arriving. ("Not even revenge is
sweet.") That brings us to "the baroque hell of human
relationships": the communication on two levels ("Would you like to
take me to the airport this morning?"); the demand for spontaneous
behavior (parents' demand for a smiling countenance, anyone's
equation of sadness with depression); the "why would anybody love
me?" syndrome; the suspicion of one's own unselfish behavior. In
sum: the zero-sum game. "Why is it so difficult for us to realize
that life is a non-zero-sum game? That we can both win so long as
we are not obsessed with the need to defeat the partner so as not
to be defeated by him?" That we can "just as well construct our own
happiness" out of "such qualities as fairness, tolerance, and
trust." The situational dynamics are often as Watzlawick portrays
them - and no one would disparage "such qualities." But without the
humor that induces rueful self-recognition, or the philosophical
elegance that commands respect, this is a heavy-handed, satirical
approach to a positive outlook. (Kirkus Reviews)
Do you see the past through a rosy filter that makes it seem like Paradise Lost? Are you convinced that traffic lights always turn red for you? Do you have to win (so as not to lose)? After extricating yourself from a bad relationship, do you find another partner just like the previous one? If so, congratulations! You have the makings of an unhappiness expert. With the techniques in this book, you can raise yourself to the genius level. A word of warning, however. Along the way you may begin to ask yourself, "How did I manage to turn myself into my own worst enemy?" Fortunately, this tongue-in-cheek (but serious) volume takes a look at that question too.
Calling upon metaphors, vignettes, jokes, innuendos, and certain other "right-hemishperic" language games, Paul Watzlawick shows how we can (and do) make everyday life miserable. Special attention is given to such topics as "Four Games with the Past," "Self-fulfilling Prophecies," and "Why Would Anybody Love Me?" Those who believe that the search for happiness will eventually lead to happiness will find much to ponder in the section "Beware of Arriving."
All readers will be both amused and startled to find themselves in these pages, but there is a special delight and enlightenment for therapists and counselors. Although the author does not officially admit it, the book os one complex "symptom prescription," a therapeutic double bind as described and practiced by him and his colleagues.
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