Gisela Slater-Walker describes this book, written jointly with her
husband, as 'a warts and all' account of their Asperger marriage.
Asperger Syndrome is an autistic spectrum disorder. Sufferers lack
the normal non-verbal skills and are poor at demonstrating emotion
or dealing with emotive matters. Typically they think only in terms
of literal or logical responses. Since most of the literature on
the subject to date has been aimed at the parents of younger
children with Asperger's, this is a much needed and groundbreaking
account. As the authors point out, the issues don't go away when
children reach adulthood, they remain the same throughout life and
have to be dealt with. The Slater-Walkers were unfortunate in that
they didn't realize that Christopher suffered from any recognizable
disability until quite late in their marriage. When they met at
university, Gisela was 33 with three children, Chris nine years
younger. Chris felt that he was afflicted with extreme
self-consciousness and lack of confidence but Gisela simply saw him
as slightly eccentric. If anyone was disabled in the partnership,
she thought it was herself since she suffered from temporal lobe
epilepsy. Not until their marriage had hit serious trouble and they
were considering separating did they read a book by Oliver Sacks
that described seven cases of neurological disability. For Gisela,
everything began to fall into place with the realization that many
of her husband's odd and obsessive behaviours were not the result
of perversity or bad temper. After his diagnosis with Asperger
Syndrome, Chris was also relieved. It meant that he no longer felt
totally inept. They were able to join a local contact group and
work on their relationship. It is heartening to see how much the
writing of this book has affected their marriage: they have written
alternate chapters of the book and each has found what the other
has written to be revelatory, as though a curtain between them has
been torn down. Gisela has obviously had to deal with constant
frustration in her marriage and to some extent this continues but
with understanding comes new ways of coping. The book is a
testament to the courage and perseverance of two people who have
had to struggle unknowingly with the disability of Asperger's for
such a long time, and will be an inspiration to anyone with a
connection to Asperger's or an interest in the complex interactions
between neurology and personality. (Kirkus UK)
Chris and Gisela have been partners for twelve years. Four years
ago Chris was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. For Chris, this was
an explanation of why he had always regarded himself as 'socially
handicapped'. For Gisela, it meant coming to terms with a marriage
in which there would never be an intuitive understanding despite
Chris's good intentions. For the couple it was the beginning of a
long and still unfinished process of learning to live with a
disability regarded by some as incompatible with marriage.
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