There is a need to learn how to say no in a way that strengthens
love rather than destroys it. Analyst Peter Schellenbaum contends
that if partners do not learn to say no in a lover relationship,
they will soon forget how to say yes, which soon creates an
inability to communicate with one another. Maintaining one's
identity while becoming involved in the emotional life of another
has become a particular challenge for modern couples. Schellenbaum
explores the problem of boundaries within intimacy in both
successful and unsuccessful relationships. From a Jungian point of
view, he offers insight into delimitation and surrender in the
erotic relationship. The author marks the progress of love
relationships from the beginning, with all the enthusiasms and
unbounded hopes, through to the shrinking back to more realistic
everyday dimensions. He explores three developmental stages in
emotional relationships: Fusion, where the distinction between the
two personalities is blurred; Projection, where the unconscious
parts of oneself are erroneously cast onto the other, thereby
separating individuals from each other and their surrounding; and
mutual reflection of the guiding image, wherein the beloved becomes
a guiding image reflecting previously unknown possibilities for
loving.
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