"My earliest memories of my life were of a family in a constant
state of emotional and psychological chaos and turmoil. ...
Oftentimes, fear filled my mind as I tried to find a safe place to
hide from that scary presence in my home. That presence, that
person in my home, was my dad." Drew Brett, a child growing up in
the Midwest in the 1970s, wants a place to feel safe in a stable
home. His father, normal and well-adjusted in the eyes of everyone
outside of the family, is abusive toward his wife and two children.
Whenever someone challenges Dad, he becomes defensive and enraged
and takes it out on the family. When attempting to turn to Dad's
parents, there is no help at all; Drew's grandmother in particular
defends Dad's behavior, and exhibits it herself. Drew's mother
finally has had enough and divorces Dad, leaving Drew and his
sister with a difficult situation to face: either move to the
unfamiliar California, where Mom relocates, or to remain in
Nebraska in familiar surroundings, but with Dad and his
unpredictable behaviors. Regardless, the children will need to see
Dad for several weeks out of the year in the custody arrangement.
Although the children go to California to live with their mother,
Drew finds that he is victimized there by other children who make
fun of him for being different from them. He is unhappy there, and
even though Dad takes out his frustrations over the divorce on
Drew, he makes the difficult decision to move back to Nebraska,
where he is at least accustomed to the lifestyle there. Drew, a bit
older now, is able to understand better why his father functions as
he does by becoming further acquainted with his grandmother's
behaviors. Growing into adulthood, Drew begins not only to analyze
his family's behaviors and roles, but his own behaviors, which he
terms as "victimology." He is determined not to repeat this
pattern, which appears to follow generations, but to become
emotionally healthy. This is difficult to accomplish, since he
still has ties with the family and spends much of his young
adulthood living with or close to them. Dad continues to abuse
Drew, but is surprised when he finally defends himself. He then
turns his full energy to his own healing process, and seeks
professional help to recover his emotional stability and unlock his
"inner child." He finds the strength to drop the resentment he
feels toward his family and to pursue peace and joy, as well as
untapped talents. With the resentments diminished Drew is able to
follow a healthy lifestyle and break the chain of codependency and
enabling behaviors that characterized his family life for so long.
Although Drew presently continues the healing process, he also
persists in choosing healthy options and building a positive spirit
to cope with the anxiety and depression of his early life. Through
these choices, he hopes to assist others who have experienced
similar events in their lives to heal in productive and satisfying
ways.
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