Geoff Burch on...
Marketing
"people who offer marketing, often have names like Jervaise or
Tarquin, and they gambol and caper around their west London offices
with sheer excitement at the prospect of 'marketing' your
(product)...I used to have mobs of pitchfork and blazing
brand-wielding marketing people beating a path to my castle gates
by suggesting that the whole marketing thing basically sucks, but
that may not be true. After all, you can even get a degree in it,
by jiminee."
Consultants
"Hiring consultants is just like hiring mercenaries...amuse
yourself by drawing the analogy between the two...When you choose
your mercenary/consultant, you don't want the hair trigger 24 year
old MBA. You want the Yul Brynner, man in black, with a few scars,
a piece of ear missing, well used guns, a black hat, and eyes like
steel bearings. Be warned, you only control him while you pay him."
Human Resources
"If you recall the early black and white Frankenstein movies,
Professor Frankenstein was always portrayed as tall, aquiline,
darkly handsome, and of course barking mad, but he was always
accompanied by this poor, twisted hobbling mad thing...Now every
chief executive has one of these, and he's called the Human
Resources Director. It is his job, amongst other things, to judge
people's (sorry, 'the resources') performance against goals,
targets, and objectives...He then has to report to El Supremo on
this performance. The trick is that this performance must be
expressed as a number and not one that relates to anything from the
real world."
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