I was born to a small family and was loved very much as a child,
youth and young adult. When on my own path, I imitated what I had
learned from my mother and my father: I took responsibility for
parenting. Of my inner child. But, unlike my parents, I neither
acknowledged nor accepted it. Nor did I provide it with any loving
- unlike what my parents had done with me. For decades, I lived
aloof to the vital needs of that inner child to survive. I lived in
a state of trance. Given my initial identity - my name, I thought
such existence was intended for me. "Hulya," after all, translates
in to such half-conscious state: dream; daydream. I don't know how
and when awareness settled. Numerous experiences within the third
space where I have been breathing - somewhere between the
Turko-Germanic-American existence, prompted transformations in me.
Some were soul-shaking, others had a passing impact. My poems
reflect the nuances for you and for me, such as "before her end"
and "goodbye, mom" as opposed to "Loneliness"and "the backyard
circus." As you will conclude, two states of being connect them
all: love and melancholy. The same two human conditions always
defined my persona. In Trance, I entrust my poetic narrations the
immense responsibility of tending to my inner child's elations and
miseres. The urge to listen to them now has a simple reason behind
it: I chose to experience a trance-like state in the direction of
life through them. As for the encouragement to voice them, it came
from a most treasured friend - with the following words by the
American poet, Mary Oliver (b. 1935): "Instructions for living a
life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it." My poems tell
you about a life passed by me, at the same time - with their mere
appearance in this book, they announce to you and me a life I
decided to live. Whether their construct is in English, German or
Turkish, I deeply hope you will recognize your own stories in them.
However, I wish you will mostly relate to the poems of rejoice and
not need to seek solace in those where I mirror deep sadnesses. As
for me, I have long ago made a lifetime commitment to love. Better
yet, one was made for my inner child before birth. And, I am not
done with melancholy as of yet, either. For it, too, was
predetermined. I must be confusing you right now. Allow me to
explain:
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