There are a lot of criminals around - but, fortunately for the rest of us, a lot of them are really quite dense. Like the bungling burglar who logged on to his own Facebook page at his victim's house - and forgot to turn the computer off when he left, or the gormless getaway driver who wrote in his dairy 'Go Porsmouth sic] Robbery happens' and left it for police to find. The Daily Mirror's crime-fighter extraordinaire Andrew Penman has scoured the country for this hilarious collection of those who are not just bad, but also dim - very dim.

The Great Escape: Newport County 2016-17 tells the amazing story of how local boy Michael Flynn and his team beat the bookies' odds and confounded their critics to secure their place in the English Football League. On March 4, 2017, Newport County AFC were bottom of League Two and a massive 11 points from safety - with just 12 games left to play - after a 4-0 thrashing at home to closest rivals Leyton Orient. Five days later, experienced manager Graham Westley was sacked with the club seemingly doomed to return to the non-league wilderness where they had spent 25 years before winning promotion in 2013. `The Exiles' looked dead and buried before hometown hero Michael Flynn was appointed caretaker manager and tasked with the `mission impossible' of salvaging their season. Written by South Wales Argus football reporter Andrew Penman and featuring all-new interviews with those at the heart of the story, it is essential reading for all County supporters and Welsh football lovers. A remarkable six wins in the next 11 games saw the Exiles climb out of the bottom two ahead of a final-day showdown with Notts County at Newport's Rodney Parade on May 6. With the match level and relegation rivals Hartlepool United winning, County were destined for the drop with just 90 seconds of the season remaining. But there was one more twist worthy of Hollywood itself as defender Mark O'Brien volleyed in a spectacular 89th-minute winner and Newport's biggest football crowd since 1983 poured onto the pitch to celebrate an incredible end to an incredible story.

At a very young age, I always knew I would have an accident and would be doing everything that I am doing at present, from health and fitness to aikido. My first physiotherapist, Debbie Harris (maiden name), got me on my feet and taught me to walk again, saying, "The rest is up to you." People with damage to the right temporal lobe are partially psyched, I am also in a mildly euphoric state (which me means I am happy all the time). Old friends I had before the accident said I have exactly the same sense of humor. I suppose it is the brain's way of keeping me in the dark about the situation I was in. I would like the give my mother special thanks as she gave up her life to look after me. My wife, Lalita, who says there is no one else on this planet like me. My aikido sensei, Peter Gillard, who always stood by me, Kenetsuka Sensei, who overcame cancer through his aikido practice, and the countless others who have helped me at vital stages and important times during my long and winding journey on the road to recovery The aim of this book is to give able and disabled people hope as when I had the accident, I had no one to guide me or to follow as surviving a traumatic brain injury was virtually unheard of, but now they are keeping people alive on a ventilator. I had to learn by my mistakes. Fortunately, they weren't many. It's all been a very slow job. No pain, no gain.

At a very young age, I always knew I would have an accident and would be doing everything that I am doing at present, from health and fitness to aikido. My first physiotherapist, Debbie Harris (maiden name), got me on my feet and taught me to walk again, saying, "The rest is up to you." People with damage to the right temporal lobe are partially psyched, I am also in a mildly euphoric state (which me means I am happy all the time). Old friends I had before the accident said I have exactly the same sense of humor. I suppose it is the brain's way of keeping me in the dark about the situation I was in. I would like the give my mother special thanks as she gave up her life to look after me. My wife, Lalita, who says there is no one else on this planet like me. My aikido sensei, Peter Gillard, who always stood by me, Kenetsuka Sensei, who overcame cancer through his aikido practice, and the countless others who have helped me at vital stages and important times during my long and winding journey on the road to recovery The aim of this book is to give able and disabled people hope as when I had the accident, I had no one to guide me or to follow as surviving a traumatic brain injury was virtually unheard of, but now they are keeping people alive on a ventilator. I had to learn by my mistakes. Fortunately, they weren't many. It's all been a very slow job. No pain, no gain.