On the eighth day, before He cut out for vacation, God formed a covenant with the birds. This covenant entitled the birds to winter vacations in warm climates in exchange for protecting humans from themselves. God spoke a word, deyo, which is Hebrew for ink, and explained that while deyo is powerless, deyo plus human thought is Quintessence. The Earth is destined for dissolution when it is discovered that God lied on his application with the Universal Planet and Creature Ownership and Licensing Association (UPCOLA) not to enter into any covenants which would impact his creations. Earth's destiny rests in either the hands of God's evil son or the management at the UPCOLA; both of which have no qualms ending the insignificant planet's existence. The only person that can save Earth is the hapless Mookie, a government official who has stumbled upon the Tree of Life and all the secrets it holds. After escaping a group of rogue ninjas headed by the President, and aided by a dreaded killer pigeon and an unbearably large bear, Mookie backs himself into the role of hero.