From the Emmy Award-winning writer of Avenue 5, Veep and The Thick of It comes a funny, violent and thought-provoking horror story like nothing you've seen before. Ricky Smart is a nobody, a Miami Beach paparazzo who scrapes a living snapping celebs. One day Ricky wakes up and realises there's something wrong with his hand. It's not his hand. In fact, it's someone else's hand. How does he know it's not his? Because it looks different, feels different and - perhaps the biggest clue - has a four-letter word tattooed across the knuckles. But hey, it's still a hand, and it works just fine, so that's ok. Except a week later, his other hand changes. And a few days after that, Ricky gets a new arm... Ricky is losing his mind as well as his body parts, but he has to pay rent and those seedy photos aren't going to take themselves. The world needs candid shots of pop sensation and local girl Scala Jaq, almost as much as Ricky's bank account does. Yet Scala has a secret of her own, a secret that leads them to an unlikely partnership, the strangest support group ever, and revelations that threaten existence as they know it. It's up to the celebrity and her tormentor to work out what to do with a world of misfits, explosions, and other people's bad tattoos. Because when you've looked for redemption in all the right places, you might need to try the wrong ones.

How To Write Everything is the ultimate writer's handbook. It tells you about every aspect of writing, from having an idea to getting the idea out into the world and getting paid for it, too. It covers everything from journalism to screen-writing, from speeches to sketches, from sitcoms to novels. With thirty years' experience as an award-winning script-writer, journalist, author and broadcaster David Quantick is ideally suited, as a writer, to write this definitive writer's guide to writing... everything. David Quantick is part of the writing team for HBO's multi-award winning show Veep. He has recently won the 2015 Emmy Awards for Outstanding Comedy Series and Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series.

How To Be A Writer is a collection of interviews with famous writers, performers and industry insiders that takes the reader through a writer's day, from getting up to giving in. And, along the way, asks: When do you get ideas? When should you write? How do you deal with your money? Who do you have lunch with? And how do you keep going? Featuring JON RONSON, EMMA DONOGHUE, DENNIS KELLY, CAITLIN MORAN, JASON HAZELEY, JOEL MORRIS, SUZANNE MOORE, CATHERINE ROSENTHAL, MARK ELLEN, JOHN PANTON, JO UNWIN, MARTYN WAITES, MARK BILLINGHAM, ISZI LAWRENCE David Quantick is an Emmy-winning television writer and the author of the best-selling writing manual How To Write Everything. He has written for television in the USA (Veep) and the UK (The Thick Of It, Brass Eye, Harry Hill's TV Burp), and is also a radio broadcaster (The Blagger's Guide, 52 First Impressions), author (The Mule, Sparks) and a journalist who's written for over 50 different publications, from the Daily Telegraph to The Dandy.

From Emmy-award winning author David Quantick, Night Train is a science-fiction horror story like no other. A woman wakes up, frightened and alone - with no idea where she is. She's in a room but it's shaking and jumping like it's alive. Stumbling through a door, she realizes she is in a train carriage. A carriage full of the dead. This is the Night Train. A bizarre ride on a terrifying locomotive, heading somewhere into the endless night. How did the woman get here? Who is she? And who are the dead? As she struggles to reach the front of the train, through strange and horrifying creatures with stranger stories, each step takes her closer to finding out the train's hideous secret. Next stop: unknown.

We can all name the classic rock and pop albums of the last fifty years. But what about the great lost albums? The albums that fell behind the back of the musical sofa? The albums that, in a very real sense, have been completely made up by the authors of this book? It took a bestselling crime writer or three to hunt down these fifty lost classics, and an award-winning TV comedy scriptwriter to buy them a pint and make them write it. From the 60s to the 00s, with track listings and full histories, Great Lost Albums reveals the recordings that - just perhaps - never existed, but really should have done. Albums include: * Bob Dylan's legendary collaboration with Liberace * Joy Division's 'musical theatre' period * Coldplay's IKEA Sessions, including 'Conscious Uncoupling (See Leaflet for Details)' and 'In my Place (There's a Lovely HEMNES Shelving System)' * The Who's magisterial, abandoned rock opera 'Bingo Wizard' * Kraftwerk's hastily deleted Christmas album, featuring the melancholic classic 'I Wish to Return this Item' ...and many, many more.

How To Write Everything is the ultimate writer's handbook. It tells you about every aspect of writing, from having an idea to getting the idea out into the world and getting paid for it, too. It covers everything from journalism to screen-writing, from speeches to sketches, from sitcoms to novels. With thirty years' experience as an award-winning script-writer, journalist, author and broadcaster David Quantick is ideally suited, as a writer, to write this definitive writer's guide to writing... everything. David Quantick is part of the writing team for HBO's multi-award winning show Veep. He has recently won the 2015 Emmy Awards for Outstanding Comedy Series and Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series.

Following the phenomenal success of Grumpy Old Men, the quintessential grumpy old man, David Quantick, has taken a well-deserved holiday. But no matter where you go, there is always something to moan about. You're stuck behind endless caravans on the M4, waiting for a non-existent filthy train, hanging around looking at crap luggage in an airport. Is it going to be worth the effort? Of course is b****y well isn't. David Quantick here explores everything that makes the rest of the world different - and therefore worse - than Britain and lets us know exactly why it is safer to stay at home than to become grumpy old men on holiday. The indispensable guide to the grumpy old xenophobe in us all.

David Quantick Grumpy Old Men New Year, Same Old Crap Following the phenomenal success of 'Grumpy Old Men', and 'Grumpy Old Men on Holiday', the guru of grump, David Quantick, takes a stand for miserable slobs everywhere against the self-help motivational mafia and keep-fit claptrap. The ultimate in stress-relief for the 21st-Century Grouch. Are you an irritable, crabby, cantankerous, malcontented old grump? Well relax, because you're not alone. Do you feel that the best way to cleanse your aura is to have trains that run on time, rather than "detoxing" with soybean-curd and shots of wheat germ, and that banning novelty mobile phone ring-tones would balance your chakras better than a course of crystal and hot-stones healing? If it is an intolerance of other people, rather than glucose, that gives you irritable bowel syndrome, and a gin and tonic soothes your karma better than ginseng and tofu ever could, then this book is for you. Apathetic malcontents unite It's time to roll up your yoga mats and use as draft excluders, line the cat's litter tray with your organic, macrobiotic muesli, put your feet up on your "abs-crunching" exercise ball and make only ONE Resolution for the New year: to be grumpier and more bloody miserable than ever.

From Emmy-award winning author David Quantick, All My Colors is a darkly comic novel about a man who remembers a book that may not exist, with dire consequences. A bizarre, mind-bending story at the intersection of Richard Bachman, Charlie Kaufman and Franz Kafka.

It is March 1979 in DeKalb Illinois. Todd Milstead is a wannabe writer, a serial adulterer, and a jerk, only tolerated by his friends because he throws the best parties with the best booze. During one particular party, Todd is showing off his perfect recall, quoting poetry and literature word for word plucked from his eidetic memory. When he begins quoting from a book no one else seems to know, a novel called All My Colors, Todd is incredulous. He can quote it from cover to cover and yet it doesn’t seem to exist.

With a looming divorce and mounting financial worries, Todd finally tries to write a novel, with the vague idea of making money from his talent. The only problem is he can’t write. But the book – All My Colors – is there in his head. Todd makes a decision: he will “write” this book that nobody but him can remember. After all, if nobody’s heard of it, how can he get into trouble?

As the dire consequences of his actions come home to both Todd and his long-suffering friends, it becomes clear that there is a high – and painful – price to pay for his crime.