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"They've always wanted me to be open and honest with them, I've spent years explaining stuff to them, and sometimes they still don't understand everything" - Milly, 16 "Your parents aren't actually hatching a plan to ruin your life..." Jim, 52 From minor matters (tidiness, homework, sleep) to big and important ones (relationships, mental ill health, drugs and alcohol), teenagers and their parents often struggle to talk to each other - and talking is key if your young person is facing new challenges as they leave childhood behind. A well-timed conversation, a listening ear, a non-judgemental and receptive attitude - all these can make an enormous and lasting impact on how safely and happily a teenager navigates this crucial stage of their development. Oh, if only it were that easy. It's not always easy to talk to your teenager, or for them to talk to you, but it is critical and may even be life-saving. This book draws extensively on hundreds of conversations that Fiona Spargo-Mabbs has conducted with young people and parents in focus groups and school and college workshops, to give a framework for tackling tough conversations about difficult things, without judgement or anger. It gives context and insight, based on the latest neuroscience findings on the teenage brain and, importantly, it gives hundreds of prompts and plenty of practical suggestions and strategies to make communication between parents and young people a two-way street that builds the foundations for a strong relationship with your adult child. Covering everything from the small stuff, like curfews and screen time, to the tough stuff of sex, self-harm and suicide, this is a warm, compassionate and important book that draws on lived experience and the lives of young people as they are, not as we think they might, or should, be.
'SUCH AN IMPORTANT BOOK... ESSENTIAL READING FOR PARENTS' Gabby Logan 'INCREDIBLY POWERFUL... A MUST-READ' Victoria Derbyshire When Dan died, I realised many things. I realised drugs were closer to our door than I'd thought. I realised drugs have become normalised for young people. I realised drugs are more affordable, accessible and available than ever before. And I realised I didn't know enough, and nor did Dan, to navigate the choices and come back alive. When Daniel Spargo-Mabbs was 16, he went to a party and never came home. The party was an illegal rave and Daniel - bright, popular, big-hearted prom king Dan - died from a fatally strong overdose of MDMA. In the seven years since, the range of substances has become wider, the levels of exposure higher, and the threat to young people's physical and mental health from drugs greater than ever before. Despite this, there is almost no guidance for parents to help their children navigate this perilous landscape and to stay safe. To come home at night. To grow up. This book is everything Fiona Spargo-Mabbs wishes she'd known, everything she wishes she'd done, before she lost her son. Because however you parent, and whatever you do, at some point your child is likely to be in a situation where they have to make a decision about drugs. What if that decision is 'yes'? Do they know what the risks are? Do they have strategies they can bring to bear if things go wrong? I Wish I'd Known interweaves the story of one family's terrible loss with calm, measured and practical advice for parents. It explores the risks posed by illegal drugs, and explains the way the adolescent brain makes decisions. There is practical advice for saying safe, information on reducing harm, and 'talking points' for parents and their children to do, talk about, look at, look up or consider. A life lost to drugs is a loss like no other. Throughout the book, Daniel's story - his life, his death and what happened afterwards - not only provides a compelling reminder of the importance of those conversations, but also serves as an unforgettable eulogy to a son, brother, boyfriend and friend whose legacy continues to touch, and perhaps even save, the lives of other young people.
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