1950s British comedy set in a boys' school facing closure. Cardew the Cad (Cardew Robinson) is a wealthy mature student who has yet to graduate. With the school in trouble, Cardew finds himself facing bribery at the hands of scheming headmaster Dr. Septimus Jankers (Fred Emney) and his accomplice, Harry the Scar (Freddie Mills).

Upon leaving jail, petty criminal Charlie Croker (Michael Caine) inherits a carefully planned $4,000,000 gold robbery in Italy. With the original mastermind of the plan murdered, Croker needs financial backing and finds it in Mr Bridger (Noel Coward in his last screen role), a quintessential English crime boss still incarcerated by Her Majesty's Prison Service. Bridger supplies Charlie with his own gang of bank robbers, getaway drivers and computer whizz-kids, and helps him plan the heist (during the practice runs Caine utters the infamous phrase 'you were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off'), which results in the world's biggest traffic jam. The gang's getaway in red, white and blue minis is accompanied by the tune 'Getta Bloomin Move On' (aka 'Self Preservation Society') written by Quincy Jones and George Martin.

Double bill of rauchy comedies by Frankie 'Titter Ye Not' Howerd, the outrageously camp and bawdy British comic. 'Up Pompeii' (1971) is the feature length spin-off from the Howerd's television series about a lazy slave living in ancient Pompeii. When a document falls into his hands listing the names of those plotting to assassinate Emperor Nero, he is forced to infiltrate the group. Hilarious mishaps result. In 'Up The Chastity Belt' (1971) Lurkalot (Frankie Howerd) is a humble serf in Custard Castle, who runs a side-line selling chastity belts and love potions at the local market place. He's called upon to save the day when Sir Braggart De Bombast attempts to seize the castle and kidnap the beautiful Lobelia De Custard.

Billy Fury stars as himself in this crazy tale of a pop star and his love of animals. Billy, who already has quite an entourage of animals, decides to get himself a sheepdog. But much to the chagrin of his long-suffering manager, Billy returns with a thoroughbred racehorse, which he smuggles into the backstage area before a show. An argument ensues, but when the animal develops pneumonia Billy must choose between his love of the horse and his performing commitments.