Back by popular demand: another rib-tickling collection of 1001 original jokes and one-liners - only this time even worse Like its hugely entertaining big sister, this addictive little gem will have you in stitches from the word go. Plumbed from the innermost depths and far-out corridors of an extremely vivid imagination, there isn't a swear word in sight, appealing to kids and grandmas, whilst still supplying ample ammunition to bombard your mates into submission. Just like the first time, all you need to do to become immersed in this barrage of off-the-wall buffoonery is find a quiet spot somewhere then slowly turn the page, revealing ream upon ream of good, clean fun jokes like these:

ET's been caught shoplifting. I always said he was light fingered.

Animal rights activists are currently camped outside United's training ground after it was announced Wayne Rooney had injured a calf.

I staggered out of the pub and straight into a fracas with a rag and bone man. I was charged with junk and disorderly.

The wife asked if I fancied a trip to the Arctic Circle. I said, sounds cool.

I took my car back to the garage. I said, every time it rains, I get this awful hissing noise. The mechanic said, I wouldn't worry too much. It's probably just the windscreen vipers.

Ghosts: they need to get a life.

I bought an imitation American motorcycle. It was a Hardly Davidson.

My job at the glue factory, I've told them to stick it.

I went in HMV. I said, what do you think to the Pet Shop Boys? The assistant said, they've a good selection of dog biscuits but the prices are a bit steep.

Tardis for sale. No time wasters.

I took my new DAB radio back to the shop. I said, the volume button is stuck on low and I don't know what to do. He said, try playing it by ear.

The cat o' nine tails I inherited: I've flogged it.

A relentless barrage of zany, off-the-wall humour, 1001 jokes, puns and one-liners, plumbed exclusively from the innermost depths and far-out corridors of an extremely vivid imagination. You won't have encountered anything like this addictive little beauty before; not a swear word in sight, it would be equally at home in the hands of kids or grandmas, whilst still supplying sufficient ammunition to torment your mates into submission. Guaranteed to put a smile on your face, and no wonder with jokes like these:

Mobile phones have been around longer than people think. I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.

I was considering investing in a Chinese distillery but decided against it. Whiskey business.

I went to the waxworks but legged it when I saw this woman coming towards me, swinging a pair of giant blades. I discovered later it was Madame Two Swords.

Michael Phelps and the Thorpedo: they think they're God's gift to swimming.

As an ex-paratrooper, I definitely thought my bill for dental work was a bridge too far.

I had a real bad accident at the saw mill. My other half says we should sue for compensation.

I've just lost my job at the snuff factory. I was sacked for pinching.

I walked into Leeds station and asked the route to Bristol. I said, is it Leeds to Sheffield, then Derby, Birmingham, Cheltenham Spa and Gloucester? He said, it's somewhere along those lines.

Someone said there was a decent turn on at the working men's club. When I got there, it was an Arctic sea bird with a big, yellow beak.

I found my hotel bathroom stuffed with chickens. It was hen-suite.

Boy racers. They're the torque of the town.

Every time it's nice outside, there's this American pop duo that stand on a street corner, giving money away. It's Sunny and Share.