Prisoners of Geography meets Bill Bryson: a funny, fascinating, beautifully illustrated - and timely - history of countries that, for myriad and often ludicrous reasons, no longer exist. 'Countries are just daft stories we tell each other. They're all equally implausible once you get up close' Countries die. Sometimes it's murder, sometimes it's by accident, and sometimes it's because they were so ludicrous they didn't deserve to exist in the first place. Occasionally they explode violently. A few slip away almost unnoticed. Often the cause of death is either 'got too greedy' or 'Napoleon turned up'. Now and then they just hold a referendum and vote themselves out of existence. This is an atlas of nations that fell off the map. The polite way of writing an obituary is: dwell on the good bits, gloss over the embarrassing stuff. This book fails to do that. And that is mainly because most of these dead nations (and a lot of the ones that are still alive) are so weird or borderline nonsensical that it's impossible to skip the embarrassing stuff. The life stories of the sadly deceased involve a catalogue of chancers, racists, racist chancers, conmen, madmen, people trying to get out of paying tax, mistakes, lies, stupid schemes and General Idiocy. Because of this - and because treating nation states with too much respect is the entire problem with pretty much everything - these accounts are not fussed about adding to all the earnest flag saluting in the world, however nice some of the flags are.

The Pirate Captain and his merry band of ne'er-do-wells face off against their toughest--but by no means their tallest--challenge yet.
Crushed with disappointment at the Pirate of the Year Awards, our Pirate Captain decides that it's time for a career change. And so with his loyal (if soon-to-be-dismayed) crew, he sets off for St. Helena, a bleak speck of an Atlantic island a thousand miles from anywhere. But the Captain's plan for a quiet island life of beekeeping (yes, beekeeping) is interrupted by the arrival of a new "visitor" to the island--the recently deposed Napoleon Bonaparte. Will the island's twenty-eight-mile circumference be big enough to contain two of history's greatest egos? Has the Pirate Captain finally met his match? And, lest we forget the most important question: which of them has the best hat?
"The Pirates! In an Adventure with Napoleon "is a swashbuckling tale of lavish tea parties, planning regulations, educational museum exhibits, and naked political ambition. And--unlike all of its thrilling predecessors--there is not much ham involved.

"From the Hardcover edition."

In Gideon Defoe's fifth "Pirates " adventure, the dashing Pirate Captain and his intrepid crew encounter perhaps the most swashbuckling poets in history: Lord Byron, Percy Bysshe Shelley, and Shelley's fiancee, Mary Godwin.
While visiting the shores of Lake Geneva to restore their spirits and their finances, the Pirate Captain and his crew encounter some surprising fellow adventurers, literary giants of their age: the swaggering Lord Byron, the oddly shifty Percy Shelley, and his smart, quite attractive fiancee, Mary. Together the poets and pirates embark upon a journey that leads from the curiously adventureless Switzerland into the darkest bowels of Oxford, and finally to the forbidding heart of eastern Europe. Amidst haunted castles and early feminism, the Pirate Captain will confront some important questions, namely: What is the secret behind his mysterious belly tattoo? Is "Zombuloid, the corpse-beast" a better name for a monster than "Gorgo: Half-man, half-seaweed?" And, most importantly, what happens when a pirate finally falls in love?

London, 1840: Wagner's latest opera plays to packed houses while disgruntled workers gather in crowded pubs to eat ice cream and plan the downfall of the bourgeoisie. Meanwhile, the Pirate Captain finds himself incarcerated at Scotland Yard, in a case of mistaken identity.
Discovering that his doppelganger is none other than Karl Marx, the Captain and his crew are unwittingly caught up in a sinister plot that involves intellectual giants, enormous beards, and a quest to discover whether ham might really be the opium of the people.
Includes, at no additional charge, "The Wit and Wisdom of the Pirate Captain"--"a Major Philosophical Work,"
On the Matter of Love:
If you're off to fight in a battle, snap a ship's biscuit in half and give your girlfriend the other half. When you meet again, they will match--like two halves of a single soul! Hopefully, this will stop her sleeping with other men.
On Life in General:
Life is like a big shanty. Everything will be fine so long as everyone sings in harmony. But if someone plays a duff note on the accordion or tries to break-dance at a sensitive bit, then there will be all sorts of trouble, mark my words.