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'Mate's book will make you examine your behaviour in a new light'
Guardian 'bold, wise and deeply moral. [Mate] is a healer to be
cherished' Naomi Klein, author of No Logo and The Shock Doctrine
Children take their lead from their friends: being 'cool' matters
more than anything else. Shaping values, identity and codes of
behaviour, peer groups are often far more influential than parents.
But this situation is far from natural, and it can be dangerous -
it undermines family cohesion, interferes with healthy development,
and fosters a hostile and sexualized youth culture. Children end up
becoming conformist, anxious and alienated. In Hold on to Your
Kids, acclaimed physician and bestselling author Gabor Mate joins
forces with Gordon Neufeld, a psychologist with a reputation for
penetrating to the heart of complex parenting. Together they
pinpoint the causes of this breakdown and offer practical advice on
how to 'reattach' to sons and daughters, establish the hierarchy at
home, make children feel safe and understood, and earn back your
children's loyalty and love. This updated edition also addresses
the unprecedented parenting challenges posed by the rise of digital
devices and social media. By helping to reawaken our instincts,
Mate and Neufeld empower parents to be what nature intended: a true
source of contact, security and warmth for their children.
A psychologist with a reputation for penetrating to the heart of
complex parenting issues joins forces with a physician and
bestselling author to tackle one of the most disturbing and
misunderstood trends of our time -- peers replacing parents in the
lives of our children.
Dr. Neufeld has dubbed this phenomenon peer orientation, which
refers to the tendency of children and youth to look to their peers
for direction: for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity
and codes of behaviour. But peer orientation undermines family
cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an
aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a
powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence;
its effects are painfully evident in the context of teenage gangs
and criminal activity, in tragedies such as in Littleton, Colorado;
Tabor, Alberta and Victoria, B.C. It is an escalating trend that
has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to
Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident -- as do the
solutions.
Hold On to Your Kids will restore parenting to its natural
intuitive basis and the parent-child relationship to its rightful
preeminence. The concepts, principles and practical advice
contained in Hold On to Your Kids will empower parents to satisfy
their children's inborn need to find direction by turning towards a
source of authority, contact and warmth.
"Something has changed. One can sense it, one can feel it, just
not find the words for it. Children are not quite the same as we
remember being. They seem less likely to take their cues from
adults, less inclined to please those in charge, less afraid of
getting into trouble. Parenting, too, seems to have changed. Our
parents seemed more confident, more certain of themselves and had
more impact on us, for better or for worse. For many, parenting
does not feel natural. Adults through the ages have complained
about children being less respectful of their elders and more
difficult to manage than preceding generations, but could it be
that this time it is for real?" -- from Hold On to Your Kids
"From the Hardcover edition."
"Teenagers" reimagines the way people think about adolescents. No
longer society's scourge and scapegoat, the teenager emerges from
David Bainbridge's fascinating study as an awe-inspiring natural
phenomenon that evokes reverence and wonder. Bainbridge, a
veterinarian and anatomist, suggests that the second decade is the
most important in the human lifecycle. In lively prose, he explains
the science behind the changes that occur both on the surface of
the teenage body and deep within the teenage brain, from lanky
limbs and bad skin to falling in love, sleeping till noon, and the
irresistible allure of sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll. Observed
through a scientific lens, these bizarre biological transformations
and behavioral anomalies snap into focus, as not only a beautifully
choreographed sequence of steps on the path to adulthood, but also
as a key evolutionary factor in the success of the species.
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