Through the lens of mimetic theory, distinguished French psychiatrist Jean-Michel Oughourlian shows how to spot and address rivalry in our lives and become open to healthier, more genuine relationships. This important study demonstrates the toxic and pathogenic mechanisms at work in physical ailments and mental disturbances and reveals a common cause: alterity, the other. Oughourlian maintains that the real question in attempting to resolve issues of rivalry is not “What is your problem?” but rather “Who is your problem?” This type of discord with the other—be it a friend, colleague, or family member—becomes visible through generalized stress. This stress manifests in psychosomatic symptoms and may even contribute to the development of organic diseases. The most important factor in healing these maladies, then, is to recognize the other with whom we are in rivalry.

We seem to be abandoning the codes that told previous generations who they should love. But now that many of us are free to choose whoever we want, nothing is less certain. The proliferation of divorces and separations reveal a dynamic we would rather not see: others sometimes reject us as passionately as we are attracted to them.
Our desire makes us sick. The throes of rivalry are at the heart of our attraction to one another. This is the central thesis of Jean-Michel Oughourlian's "The Genesis of Desire," where the war of the sexes is finally given a scientific explanation. The discovery of mirror neurons corroborates his ideas, clarifying the phenomena of empathy and the mechanisms of violent reciprocity.
How can a couple be saved when they have declared war on one another? By helping them realize that desire originates not in the self but in the other. There are strategies that can help, which Dr. Oughourlian has prescribed successfully to his patients. This work, alternating between case studies and more theoretical statements, convincingly defends the possibility that breakups need not be permanent.