Bonds between brothers and sisters are among the longest lasting and most emotionally significant of human relationships. But while 45 percent of adults struggle with serious sibling strife, few discuss it openly. Even fewer resolve it to their satisfaction. In Cain's Legacy , psychotherapist Jeanne Safer, a recognized authority on sibling psychology (and an estranged sister herself) illuminates this pervasive but hidden phenomenon. She explores the roots of inter-sibling woes, from siblicide in the book of Genesis to tensions in Freud's family history. Drawing on sixty in-depth interviews with adult siblings struggling with conflicts over money, family businesses, aging parents, contentious wills, unhealed childhood wounds, and blocked communication, Safer provides compassionate guidance to brothers and sisters whose relationship is broken. She helps siblings overcome their paralysis and pain, revealing how they can come to terms with the one peer relationship they can never sever- even if they never see each other again. A heartfelt look at a too-often avoided topic, Cain's Legacy is a sympathetic and clear-eyed guide to navigating the darkness separating us from our brothers and sisters.

What is it like to grow up with a sibling who is difficult or damaged?

Few bonds in our lives are as psychologically and emotionally significant as the ones we share with our sisters and brothers, although little has been written about this formative relationship. In this first-of-its-kind book, psychotherapist Jeanne Safer takes us into the hidden world of problem siblings and explores the far-reaching effects on the lives of those who are considered the “normal ones.”

Drawing on more than sixty interviews with normal, or intact, siblings, Safer explores the daunting challenges they face, and probes the complex feelings that can strain families and damage lives. A “normal” sibling herself, Safer chronicles her own life-shaping experiences with her troubled brother. She examines the double-edged reality of normal ones: how they both compensate for their siblings’ abnormality and feel guilty for their own health and success. With both wisdom and empathy, she delineates the “Caliban Syndrome,” a set of personality traits characteristic of higher-functioning siblings: premature maturity, compulsion to achieve, survivor guilt, and fear of contagion.

Essential reading for normal ones and those who love them, this landmark work offers readers insight, compassion, and tools to help resolve childhood pain. It is a profound and eye-opening examination of a subject that has too long been shrouded in darkness.

When psychotherapist Jeanne Safer lost her mother, she was determined to turn her loss into an opportunity for insight and growth. Through her own experience, her work with patients, and in-depth interviews, Safer shows that the death of a parent can be a catalyst for change. In this updated paperback edition, Safer includes a helpful resource section, including information on hospice care, rehabilitation programs, and more. Bold, surprising, and compassionate, "Death Benefits" challenges the idea that loss must simply be endured or overcome.

After years of profound and often painful soul-searching, psychoanalyst Jeanne Safer made the conscious decision not to have children. She came to terms with a course of action that allowed her to pursue her life in a way that was right for her. Now, in this wise, compassionate, and deeply personal book, she provides expert guidance for every woman who has ever grappled with the issue of motherhood. In beyond motherhood, Safer and women of all ages from all over the country eloquently share their experiences and offer unique insights into what it really feels like to live this still unconventional life. They describe what factors in their histories, personalities, and circumstances shaped their decision; and how they forged their identities as women without being mothers. They talk with remkable candor about their marriages, their thoughts about aging without offspring, their legacies, and the meaning of their lives. Most compelling of all, they demonstrate how their vitality and passion for life belie any stereotype of childless women as emotionally barren or incomplete. This inspiring book goes beyond the immediate issue of whether to have a child, and offers the essential key to conscious, creative living for every woman, whether she chooses the path to motherhood or not.