When "New York Times" bestselling author and comedian Jim Norton isn't paying for massages with happy endings, or pretending to be fooled by transsexuals he picks up, he spends his time wondering what certain people would look like on fire...

What do Heather Mills, the Reverend Al Sharpton, and Dr. Phil have in common? Jim Norton hates their guts. And he probably hates yours, too, especially if you're a New York Yankee, Starbucks employee, or Steve Martin.

In thirty-five hilarious essays, "New York Times" bestselling author and comedian Jim Norton spews bile on the people he loathes. Enjoy his blistering attacks on Derek Jeter, Hillary Clinton, fatso Al Roker, and mush-mouthed Jesse Jackson. It's utterly hilarious -- and utterly relatable if you've ever bitten a stranger's face or thrown a bottle through the TV screen while watching the news.

But don't think Jim just dishes loads of shit on his self-proclaimed enemies; he is equally atrocious to himself. He savages himself for his humiliating days as a white homeboy, his balletlike spins in the outfield during a little league game, and his embarrassingly botched attempt at a celebrity shout-out while taping his new HBO stand-up series.

Uncomfortably honest, "I Hate Your Guts" is probably the best example of emotional vomiting you'll ever read. But there is hope; at the end of each essay, Jim generously offers helpful suggestions as to how the offender can make things right again: Eliot Spitzer: If you run for re-election, instead of shaking hands with voters, let them smell your fingers.

Reverend Al Sharpton: The next time you feel the need to protest, do so dressed as an elk in Ted Nugent's backyard.

Hillary Clinton: When you absolutely must make a point of laughing publicly, don't fake it. Just think of something that genuinely makes you laugh, like lowering taxes or any random male having his penis cut off.

For the legions of devoted fans who know Jim Norton for his raw, sometimes brutal comedy, "I Hate Your Guts" is what you've been waiting for. But even more important -- it's a great book to read while taking a shit.

"The Mount Rushmore of Adult Entertainment has four heads: John Holmes, Marilyn Chambers, Jenna Jameson, and Seka. That's it; there ain't no more." - Bill Margold, famed adult film actor, agent, producer, director, and activist Seka-The Platinum Princess, the Marilyn Monroe of Porn, the queen of XXX cinema's Golden Age, and John Holmes' favorite leading lady. Seka is a legendary performer in the annals of adult cinema, and many would say the greatest. Seka's name was so big in XXX that her name above the title was not enough-her name had to be in the title Seka's real life story, though, is as enigmatic as her screen persona. She was never a victim-on-screen or off. This is no tale of remorse, abuse, or self-destructive behavior. Seka was post-feminist before the term was born. Inside Seka is the story of a survivor, a trailblazer, and an icon-still one of the most popular and famous porn stars ever; the last of the natural beauties. "Before the Jennas, the Bree Olsons, or the Savannas, the undisputed blonde bombshell of XXX movies was Seka, which makes her story so important in the history of adult entertainment." - Ron Jeremy, porn legend, holder of the Guinness Book of World Records for "Most Appearances in Adult Films." "From calling the shots in a film genre in the days when it was completely controlled by men, to standing and being heard at the infamous Meese Commission, Seka shatters the myth of the poor little victim who lost her way. Don't expect excuses and apologies. This is one blonde bombshell who lives by her own rules." - Candida Royalle, author, entrepreneur, and erotic film pioneer "She was one of the hottest girls in the XXX business, able to seduce any man she wanted. So it should come as no surprise that her story is riveting." - Larry Flynt, Hustler magazine Kerry Zukus is the author, co-author, or ghostwriter of over 40 books, including From Harvard to Hell and Back, the upcoming Inside the Hotel Rwanda, and Book of the Month Club Feature Selection The Fourth House.

Jim Norton is a pervert

in the truest sense of the word. The physical equivalent of a tall slug, he pays top dollar for massages with happy endings and is fascinated by shitty sitcoms and fat girls. He is also, at times, racially offensive and morally repugnant. He spares no one in his comedy -- least of all himself.

Now, in this outrageous, blisteringly funny collection of essays, Norton tackles the topics that are near and dear to his heart: from public events like the legendary Voyeur Bus incident on the "Opie and Anthony Show, " which culminated in all involved being taken to jail, or seeking a hug from his childhood idol Gene Simmons, to deeply private moments, including a teenage Jim's embarrassing poetry-writing attempts while in rehab, and his inexpensive sexual experience with an unwashed MILF (a Monolith I'd Like to Forget). His stories are raw, searingly honest in their attention to detail, and most of all, hilarious.

Filled with personal photos and nearly fifty candid and uncompromising essays, "Happy Endings" is one of a kind...and probably best read on an empty stomach.