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Human beings everywhere, in every culture and on every continent in
the world over, experience shame in exactly the same way: gaze
aversion, brief mental confusion, and a longing to disappear,
usually accompanied by blushing of the face, neck, or chest. What
scientists understand and believe about shame differs broadly from
the way a layperson conceives of it. Most people tend to view shame
as something big and bad, a toxic emotion we hope never to feel. In
contrast researchers who study the emotions, conceive of shame as
more varied in nature and not always so imposing. This book will
introduce you to the entire shame family of emotions (including
embarrassment, guilt, and self-consciousness), which are
unavoidable aspects of everyday life and not always toxic. Richly
illustrated with clinical stories from Burgo's 35 years in private
practice Shameis an intimate look at the full spectrum of
shame-often masked by addiction, promiscuity, perfectionism,
self-loathing, or narcissism-that offers a new, positive route
forward. Burgo argues that listening and learning from our
encouters with shame will go further than affirmations and positive
self-talk in helping us to build authentic self-esteem. His is a
deeply empowering message, and one that brings hope and results.
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