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It be the Passover Haggadah, as Shakespeare would hast writ it,
hadst the idea occurred to him. Art thee a teenager? Most wondrous.
How about a tweenager? Coequal better. Perhaps thou art a drossy
adolescent or gamesome adult? Readeth this while the stodgy elders
and fartuous children readeth the haggadot, catered only to those
folk—until now. Thou canst useth this as an actual Haggadah too,
as the full Hebrew text be on the left, and Shakespeare's rendering
be on the right. So it readeth right, which sounds like it should
beest the opposite, but it be not as confusing as thou mayest
thinketh.
Until a vaccine arrives, & until all comply with self-isolating
& distancing, the only thing left to battle the 11th plague of
coronavirus is humor. That's all we have. So enjoy around the
Passover table, & may we return to the Old Normal soon. Amen.
All proceeds go to whom the book is dedicated: for all those in the
trenches. Note: formatting might be imperfect, due to the rush to
get this out before Passover 2020.
A century ago, a little known writer named Mark Twain wrote a silly
novella called Extracts from Adam's Diary. It imagined the recorded
daily life of the first man. Two years later, Mr. Twain's wife
passed away, and he wrote a melancholy follow-up with Eve as the
imagined diarist. Together, these stories were published as The
Diaries of Adam & Eve. A century later, a well known writer
named Martin Bodek enjoyed the books, discovered that Twain left
the concept for another to pick up where he left off, and decided
to give it a try. Yes, he's that arrogant, he's written a sequel
for Mark Twain.
This book details the adventure of the 3rd iteration of the famed
JRunners Relay Race, in which Martin Bodek coaxed each of the
runners to detail the race from their perspective. No other running
book has ever brought the points of view from each participant in a
race. Also included are runner inputs from the first two editions
of the race, a history of JRunners, and a complete picture of the
club and its impassioned members.
A dialogue between two friends on the way to synagogue on matters
concerning God, religion, evolution, science, knowledge, ignorance,
truth, faith and skepticism.
Martin Bodek spent a year encountering the nose-pickers,
nail-clippers, cellphone-yappers, lane cut-offers, people who stand
akimbo, child slappers, personal space invaders, stores that have
cashiers who can't decipher coupons, customer service idiots, the
rude, the people who need BlackBerry helmets, line cutters, public
masturbators, escalator mudsticks, teenagers discussing what
liquids induce abortion, and decided to write about it. This is
what he wrote.
This book is the King James Version of the first term of George W.
Bush's presidency. Get it? No? Well, general narrative samples
include: * The transfer of power from Clinton to Bush, which
appropriates the narrative of Moses passing the leadership to
Joshua. * Bush's overseas visits, which uses the narrative of the
Israelites moving from place to place during their sojourn in the
Sinai Desert. * Bush's decision to invade Iraq, which occurs when
God appears to him in a burning bush and declares that Bush declare
to Pharaoh Hussein to "let my Iraqi people go." Get it now? No? How
about the first three sentences to get a feel?: 1. After the rule
of Clinton the servant of the Lord, it came to pass that the Lord
spoke to Bush the son of Bush, saying, 2. "Clinton My servant is
gone. Now therefore, arise, go over this Mississippi, you and all
your emissaries, to the land which I am giving to them, to the
king's cabinet. Now you got it. (right?)
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