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The year is 2000, which is practically the future! The location is
Reading, England. Cleo Howard is almost eighteen years old. Shea s
studying for her A Levels. Despite this, shea s going to have the
best summer of her life. By the end of the year shea ll have seen
Slipknot, MotArhead, Nine Inch Nails, Rage Against The Machine and
David Bowie, plus local bands Venomous Lizzard and WhyY2K. As
usual, Cleo is lucky to have her constant companions Ian and Jenni
to join in her adventures. There is a list of characters in the
back of the book should you need it. If you want to read more about
Cleo Howard her later adventures are covered in The Eviscerated
Panda Quintet; Eviscerated Panda A Metal Tale, Eviscerated Panda
Back In Bamboo, Eviscerated Panda Vulgar Display Of Panda,
Eviscerated Panda Vol. 4 and Eviscerated Panda So Far, So Good, So
Panda. This is her fourth diary. Her first one, The Very Metal
Diary Of Cleo Howard covers the year 1997 and should be read first.
The year is 1999. The location is Reading, England. Cleo Howard is
almost seventeen years old. Her primary concerns are sex, clothes,
music, going to the pub and bosom growth. She's studying for her A
Levels and is getting to grips with Sociology. She is regretting
Biology. Despite this, it's going to be an exciting year. By the
end of it she'll have seen Metallica, Ministry, Marilyn Manson,
Venomous Lizzard, Napalm Death and Type O Negative. She'll have had
sex in the same room as other people. She will have fought the
feminist cause while on a field trip. A new shopping centre will
open in her home town but she will prefer Camden. Luckily Cleo will
have her boyfriend Barry and her constant companions Ian and Jenni
to help her weather the storms of the end of the millennium.
Eviscerated Panda - So Far, So Good, So Panda is the fifth book in
the Eviscerated Panda series. It follows the band and those close
to them while they try to gain musical success and not get jaded
and faded by life's many demands. There are gigs aplenty for the
Pandas; in Coventry with Over-revved Engine, in their native
Reading with Dick Trouble, Deep Red Mistress and Nightshade
Milkshake, and in Camden with Horror Frog. Gigs take place against
a backdrop of personal issues; Ian and Gav meet their estranged
Mum, Suzy reluctantly celebrates her thirtieth birthday, Victor,
the singer of Deep Red Mistress, irritates Phil. Paul plays at the
swanky golf club with covers band the Bandits of Party City. Nick
and Jenni move in together. Paul and Angie celebrate their wedding
anniversary and daughter Rose's first birthday. Jez and Cleo visit
a castle. The Pandas record their second album. They play in Bognor
with Horror Frog and at a bike rally. Paul becomes the drummer for
the Bandits of Party City as well as the Pandas. Phil outlines his
Pandas on tour plan and buys a van then kicks a stressful aspect of
his life to the kerb. Paul decides to leave the Pandas. They
advertise for a new drummer. Cleo has doubts about Jez. Suzy is not
pleased to see men in uniform. Gav and Cleo move back to Reading
and a promising new drummer excites Phil. Eviscerated Panda has
claws and potential, they aren't going to give up yet.
These twenty four short stories are ideal for advent reading or
whenever you can fit them into the busy month of December. These
festive snapshots into other people's lives aim to enliven and
entertain. A handful of the stories are set in the recent past,
because Christmas is a great time for nostalgia. There are stories
about anticipation, hope and that tingling feeling you get when
waiting for something pleasant to happen. There is a cast of
characters of all ages and not all of them are human. There are
themes of time and counting, dark and light, change and renewal.
The book is two dozen slices of Christmas, waiting to bring cheer
at the dark time of the year.
The year is 1998. The location is Reading, England. Cleo Howard is
almost sixteen years old. It's going to be a big year. By the end
of it she'll have seen Black Sabbath and Slayer, sat her GCSEs,
been alone with a man and Opal Fruits will have been renamed
Starburst. It's a time of great change. Cleo is lucky to have her
constant companions Ian and Jenni to help her weather the storms of
her world.
Eviscerated Panda volume four follows the band and their
significant others through the end of their second year making
music together. They play at the Edge Bar and Suzy has a tantrum of
epic proportions. Phil and Suzy make up, Jez has dinner with a
mystery woman and Nick and Jenni celebrate their engagement. The
Pandas play in Camden with Horror Frog and Dick Trouble and the
Viagras. Victor turns up in Reading, Paul has a chance meeting with
an old band mate and Eviscerated Panda play in the home of metal
with Nightshade Milkshake. Paul takes on a side project, much to
Phil's disgust, and Victor enrols at the University of Reading. Ian
meets his Mum, the Pandas play a Halloween gig and Victor completes
the line-up of his new Reading based band called Deep Red Mistress.
A ring is given to Cleo and the Pandas play with Dick Trouble and
the Viagras in Witney. Jenni receives birthday flowers from two
men. Paul plays gigs with a band other than Eviscerated Panda and
Deep Red Mistress play their debut gig. Two of the Pandas attend
the golf club dinner dance and the Pandas play in Coventry with
Over-revved Engine. Christmas is celebrated and Phil wonders what
the future holds. He's still searching for that elusive musical
success...
The year is 1997. Cleo Howard is at a very awkward age, she's sure
she's an adult, so why won't everyone realise this? Why won't her
chest realise this? Why is maths so hard? When will she stop
feeling sad that her dad doesn't live with her and her mum? Music
and men are her twin fascinations and she thanks Almighty Lemmy for
metal and mates. Her diary, which you now hold in your hands, is
home to her deepest thoughts, fondest wishes and often what she had
for tea.
Eviscerated Panda - Vulgar Display of Panda is the third book that
follows Reading's premier thrash band as they chase musical success
and fulfilment. They play gigs in Camden, Coventry, Kentish town,
Reading and High Wycombe. Often the need to also attend to the rest
of their lives gate crashes their plans. Were it not for paid
employment, families and the pursuit of women they would be a
global success by now. They find some things are never easy, while
some people are always easy. Phil revels in the attention of an
interviewer, the Pandas record an album and Suzy's band management
career sees her take on another group of men. Ian gets lucky, and
then he gets lucky again and again. He'd like you to high five him
right now. There's a metal pilgrimage to Wacken for some. The
singer of another band troubles the Panda's womenfolk. A baby is
born, some criminal activity occurs, a gig with a glam band
bemuses. The near waking of a baby is averted by a story about
Carrotlicker Tonguewiggle and chums (a band of bunny rabbits).
There is a haircut, an engagement and peace made with old
adversaries. If this all sounds too exciting rest assured there are
also a great many band practices, cosy pub nights in the Green Man
and a spot of shopping.The metal soap opera that is Eviscerated
Panda continues...
Eviscerated Panda - Back In Bamboo is a book that meanders around
the topics of heavy metal, happiness, sex, morality, love and
biscuits. It follows the lives of keen for success metal band
Eviscerated Panda and their friends, families and lovers over a
four month period. There are chance meetings with old band mates,
birthday celebrations and career aspirations. Eviscerated Panda
play loud gigs in Camden, in Coventry, in their home town of
Reading and in Torquay. They have to cope with the temporary
closure of their favourite pub, the Green Man, which is the scene
of much of their carousing. Ian has trouble in his life of love
while Dean and Lucy are getting started on theirs, if only his Mum
would give them a minute of privacy. Suzi does a rude thing in a
dressing room suitable only for mature readers. They go to see the
inspiring kings of metal, Manowar. They play an April Fool's day
joke on their fans. Some of them wake up in a room that smells of
onions. The book ends with the Pandas playing on the same bill as
Nightshade Milkshake, the band that lead guitarist Phil was in
before he made the Pandas happen.
Eviscerated Panda are a newly formed thrash metal band. They are
the brainchild of ageing lead guitarist Phil Winter. They represent
his big hope for regaining his former musical self-esteem and his
luck with the ladies. Phil had to hastily exit stage left from his
last band when his dalliances with the drummer's fiancee were
discovered. Young singer and underachiever Nick loves the band
because it provides an escape from his dull job in a supermarket.
For rhythm guitarist Ian it's all he's ever wanted to do. For bass
player Jim it's a pleasant hobby, at least to begin with. For
drummer Paul it's a step up from being in a covers band and a
sometime causer of arguments between him and his wife. A band is
much more than just the musicians in it, it's a whole ecosystem. A
female perspective is given by close friends Cleo and Jenni as the
Pandas play to and hang out with an audience comprised of friends,
fans, wives, girlfriends, future girlfriends, lovers, promoters,
other bands, interested spectators and uninterested spectators.
After a nervous first gig in their native Reading they play in
Swindon, Coventry, Oxford, Dudley, Brighton, Birmingham and Camden.
In between gigs they mostly go to the pub, eat biscuits, record an
E.P, read a girl's guide to heavy metal written by Cleo, practice
and make grandiose plans for their future. Occasionally they get
laid. Even more occasionally they get paid to play. This is a niche
novel and proud of it. If you like heavy metal and reading books
which are not designed for education nor enlightenment then this is
for you.
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