It was shit. Then the shit hit the fan. Would someone find a way of making it worse? Of course they would! Welcome to THE SHITSHOW...' There's a lot going on these days. Trump, Brexit, Call the Midwife . . . The rise of the robots . . . The rise of Easy Peelers . . . The authors of the bestselling Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Shit? series present an hilarious examination of the new age, asking: ~Is Donald Trump a literary character? ~The AI/robot takeover: has it already happened? ~Are the animals ganging up on us too? ~What is an LGBT sandwich? ~Would you like to make it as an influencer? ~Is Brexit Britain like the 1950s, or the 1930s, or, er, the 780s? ~What is 5G? ~What is consciousness? ~Do you need a smart toilet? ~Are you stronger than clickbait? Just get on with it! Whatever 'it' is.

We've seen the future. And it's shit. From the authors of the mega-selling Is It Just Me or Is Everything Shit? Once, we were promised a sci-fi future that never arrived. But what if it really is on its way now? The Shape of Shit to Come takes a funny tour of the future taking shape before our eyes - a future of sex robots, hotels in space, kids making their own pets with gene-splicing kits and people planning, for real, how they can turn themselves into hyper-intelligent genetically enriched cyborg immortals of the future. Because these things are happening. As of yet only the geeks are talking about this stuff. But is that wise? Shouldn't we all be getting with the programme? Otherwise we're leaving the future of humanity in the hands of people who ride scooters indoors.

Hello and welcome to my book on how to get commercial lawn care and snow plow customers. I put this book together because I know it can be so very difficult for newer lawn care, landscaping, or snow plow business owners to find out how to gain commercial customers. Do you just go in and knock on doors? Do you send them letters? How should they be approached? All too often when people try things, they experiment once and if it doesn't give them the results they are looking for, they give up and think they just lacked some magical quality others who are successful must have that they don't. Well there are no magical qualities, there are just certain tips and tricks we have seen that work over the years being discussed on the Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum and these are the tips I want to share with you. I also included some letter templates you can use to send to customers to get on their bidding list, to use as a cover letter for your bid, and to thank them at the end of the season. If you are unsure on how to price out commercial jobs, I even included some examples what others have bid on for various commercial jobs. Gaining new lawn care or snow plowing customers shouldn't be this hidden secret skill. It should be made readily available to you so that you can grow your lawn care business as big as you want, based on your desire and not based on luck or chance. As you read through this book, you will see variations of certain lawn care marketing methods pop up again and again. When you see that, it's because those methods being discussed work. The variations you see are little tweaks that lawn care business owners utilize to stand out from others. You can use them too, or take the basic skills you learn here and create your own tweaks to make them uniquely yours. When you are finished reading this book, I hope you feel like you have a successful family member in the lawn care business that has shared with you a lifetime of what he has learned. It has taken many years to compile all these insights and business lessons and there is no doubt in my mind, your lawn care and snow plowing business will grow because of it. I want to thank all my friends on the Gopher Lawn Care Business forum who have talked with me over the years on these many topics. It is because of those people that came in, asked questions and shared answers, that we all are able to benefit today. If you would like to read more about how to improve your lawn care or landscaping business, check out my many books on the topic. Visit my Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum at http: //www.gopherforum.com and watch my GopherHaul Lawn Care Business Videos and Podcasts across the internet and on my GopherHaul Lawn Care Business & Marketing Blog at http: //www.lawnchat.com. Don't forget to try out our Gopher Lawn Care Business Software too at http: //www.gophersoftware.com And remember.. If you haven't started your business yet, what are you waiting for. If you don't start your business this year, you'll be at least a year older when you do. So get started today

Unfiltered, unedited, and a little rough. A collection of landscaping & lawn care business lessons I've learned along the way. I see so many new lawn care businesses get started only to fail a short time later because the entrepreneurs didn't educate themselves enough about their field. Here is a collection of lessons I learned that will give your lawn care or landscaping business a better chance at success. As an added bonus, I have included some very helpful lawn care business marketing letter templates to super charge your business. By Steve Low Host of The GopherHaul Lawn Care Business Show and the Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum.

When I first got my business started, I didn't really know anyone who was an entrepreneur. I had no one I could bounce ideas off of or compare my crazy stories with. For all I knew at the time, I was the only one who ran into problems with my business. Later when I got the Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum started, I began to realize that everyone who runs their own business, has issues they have to deal with. Whether they are business, personal, family, mental, financial, medical, or whatever. This book takes a look at the issues business owners from The Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum have dealt with. It shines a light on topics not often talked about. As you read this book, you will learn about issues you can outright avoid, issues you can try your best to avoid, and issues that will just sneak up on you. Once they happen, you will learn the best ways to minimize their damage so you can move forwards quicker. Ultimately you will learn crazy things happen to all entrepreneurs. If you find yourself dealing with some heavy issues, you are not alone. I wish there was a book like this to read when I was getting started, so I didn't feel so alone and lost, worrying if I had what it takes to make it. Wasting my time worrying was time I could have spent being more productive. So my message to you is, don't sweat the small stuff. Crazy things will happen. Read this book, learn what to watch out for, and be more productive. Some of the topics discussed in the book include: - Customer problems. Watch out for these customer warning signs. - Equipment issues. - Theft Learn how others got their equipment stolen Could you ever imagine it happening at a red light? - Money. - Estimating jobs and underbidding them. - Personal problems. Your wife wants a vacation - Contracts and lawsuits. - Labor problems. How to find good help. - Disasters. What to do when you break a customer's window. - On the job injuries. You won't believe how many business owners get carpal tunnel syndrome. - Life lessons. - Finding balance. - Success If you would like to read more about how to improve your lawn care or landscaping business, check out my many books on the topic. Visit my Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum at http: //www.gopherforum.com and watch my GopherHaul Lawn Care Business Videos and Podcasts across the internet and on my GopherHaul Lawn Care Business & Marketing Blog at http: //www.lawnchat.com. Don't forget to try out our Gopher Lawn Care Business Software too at http: //www.gophersoftware.com By Steve Low Host of The GopherHaul Lawn Care Business Show and the Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum.

"Why you are sloth? Because fuck you is why HAHAHAHAHA 1 "

That's the last response you got from The Spammer, who's developed an insidious computer virus that transforms people into their power animals. You never should have opened that email from the Philippino Sherriff's Attache to East Berlin. So many missed warning signs there, but you were drunk last night. Things have been rough lately - you can't pay your rent, your neighbors are annoying, you keep getting strange calls from horny guys with unique and unsettling fetishes, you're way behind with work, and your computer is suddenly crapping out on you. And now you're a goddamn sloth. Nice going, genius. But there's more at play here than simple animal hijinks. You've been added to the Homeland Security Terror Watch List, and the cops want to question you about the mysterious disappearances of several gay men, who all seem to have called your phone just before they vanished. Not only has this Spammer fuck turned you into a sloth, he's framed your slow ass, too You've had enough of this shit. With the help of your neighbors, Cross the Asshole and Randy the Retard, you form the SLOTH SQUAD. It's time to track that Spammer down and reap some three-toed vengeance on his ass.

You are Sloth

Over the years I have talked with thousands of lawn care and landscaping entrepreneurs out there trying to make their dream come true. Some have succeeded, some have not, but all have lessons they learned on their path that I have kept meticulous notes...

Learning how to bid lawn care and landscaping jobs, when you are just getting your business started, is a huge task. Most of the times, those in the know aren't going to share with you all the lessons they've learned and the tips they have picked up over the years. But I will. I operate one of the largest lawn care business forums on the internet, The Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum. On that site I have interviewed thousands upon thousands of lawn care business owners over the past decade. Throughout this process, I have learned a lot. All that I have learned, I want to share with you. The goal of this book is to give you, the lawn care business owner, a working knowledge of the entire bidding process for most of the jobs you are going to be called upon to bid. To give you a better idea on how to go about bidding jobs, services you can upsell, how to upsell, and how to perform those jobs. This book is somewhat large at close to 600 pages but I really wanted to include a lot of information. Read it at your own pace and later you can use it for years to come as a reference manual. Keep going back to this book over time, to get more ideas on how to improve your business. After your reading, I feel confident you and your business are going to be in a better place. If you would like to read more about how to improve your lawn care or landscaping business, check out my many books on the topic. Visit my Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum at http: //www.gopherforum.com and watch my GopherHaul Lawn Care Business Videos and Podcasts across the internet and on my GopherHaul Lawn Care Business & Marketing Blog at http: //www.lawnchat.com. Don't forget to try out our Gopher Lawn Care Business Software too at http: //www.gophersoftware.com By Steve Low Host of The GopherHaul Lawn Care Business Show and the Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum.

Everyday you run your lawn care business, you are going to be coming into contact with new experiences, situations, and jobs that will change you. These experiences will also change the way you operate your business. Sometimes you will make it through a challenging situation unscathed, other times, you may find yourself just barely able to hold on. Some experiences can even be fatal to your lawn care business. When 90% of new start up lawn care business owners fail in their first year, a need for information on how to survive is essential. You need as much education and early warning as you can get your hands on to make it through where others have failed. This book's goal is to give you a heads up of what other lawn care business owners have experienced and how they dealt with their challenging situations. Learn from these insights and grow stronger because of them. As the old saying goes 'those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.' Don't be doomed, read on entrepreneur, read on From The Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum & The GopherHaul Lawn Care Business Show. Download our Free 30 day trial of Gopher Lawn Care Business Billing & Scheduling Software at www.gophersoftware.com Until the next time we meet, always remember to Dream It, Build It, Gopher It

Learn how to make more money with your lawn care or landscaping business. Making money with your lawn care or landscaping business can be a challenge even in the best of times but it gets even tougher when you are up against heavy competition. This book will help teach you what successful lawn care & landscaping business owners are doing to not only survive but to make more money than their competitors. It covers how to make more money on bidding. How to read your customer's body language to know when you are charging too much or not enough. Learn the steps you should be taking to win more bids and things you should never do when trying to win a lawn care bid. You will also learn how to deal with picky customers, those that live out of state, those that like to cancel service without giving you enough warning, and help you figure out how much your customers are actually worth. Learn how to make more money with your lawn care crew by knowing the ideal crew size from others who have experimented with many different setups. Learn the best way to purchase equipment, which equipment to purchase and how to use it in order to make your business more profitable. Read how other lawn care & landscaping business owners defend themselves against the secret ways competitors try to keep you from growing. Pickup new sales techniques your competitors would never share with you and learn new lawn care marketing tips to grow and improve the profitability of your customer base. And lastly, learn what to watch out for when it comes to bad contracts, avoiding problems with the IRS, and how your credit rating can hold you back from growth. See where others have tripped up so you can avoid the pitfalls that lay ahead and find out what really works and what doesn't. All of these topics are covered and more with real world examples, from The Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum & The GopherHaul Lawn Care Business Show. To learn more about how to run your lawn care and landscaping business visit the Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum at http: //www.gopherforum.com and download a Free 30 day trial of Gopher Lawn Care Business Billing & Scheduling Software at http: //www.gophersoftware.com

New lawn care business owners were polled and 33% of them said the toughest part about running their business was finding customers. This book shows you how to get new lawn care customers. Don't start from scratch and try to re-create the wheel. Learn what works and what doesn't. Volume #1 discusses: Getting started, choosing a business name, harnessing employees to sell, community marketing ideas, free rentals to offer, hosting events to get exposure, volunteer projects to build goodwill, how to get residential and commercial customers (including sample letters). Bikini lawn care, getting in your local paper, marketing on price, publicity stunts & media attention, organic lawn care marketing, reaching out to realtors, turning hobbies into marketing ideas, seasonal marketing ideas that work. Download our Free 30 day trial of Gopher Lawn Care Business Billing & Scheduling Software at www.gophersoftware.com

Anyone can start a lawn care business but most get stuck finding customers and they give up their new venture too quickly. Why struggle trying to learn how to gain new lawn care customers the hard way? This book gives you lawn care marketing ideas that are being used by your competitors. It also talks about what marketing ideas don't work. Volume #2 discusses: The most effective lawn care business marketing methods. How to track your ads, the best ways to utilize: billboards, brochures, business cards, buying lawn care customers, clubs & organizations, coupons & gift cards, co-marketing, door hangers, going door to door, flyers, internet marketing, lawn signs, customer letters, direct mailing, newsletters, newspaper ad, phone book advertising, phones & telemarketing, postcards, referrals, sports, testimonials, trade shows, truck & trailer advertising, word of mouth. Download our Free 30 day trial of Gopher Lawn Care Business Billing & Scheduling Software at www.gophersoftware.com

Billy Gillespie wakes up one morning to discover his junk is gone. In its place is his wife's junk. Billy is now Tina, and Tina is dead. That's because Billy's dead. His lifeless body is still in bed and empty beer bottles and a container of antifreeze litter the kitchen counter. Over the next 24 hours, Billy and an odd assortment of neighbors, all experiencing their own bouts of body switcheroo, try to figure out what happened and why. Can they do it before the Feds find Billy's body? Was it aliens that caused this, or God, or the government? And did Edgar Winter really sleep with his sheep? Pro football Hall of Famer Terry Bradshaw has those answers in a story that asks, What Would Kirk Cameron Do?

An encyclopedic attack on modern culture so hilariously bitter that it actually becomes uplifting. Based on two runaway UK bestsellers, this new American edition has been ingeniously adapted and features exclusive new material for US audiences by Brendan Hay, a former Daily Show headline producer and contributing writer to America: The Book.
If you hate chick lit, Che Guevara merchandise, pop Kabbalah, cosmetic-surgery-gone-wrong-as-tv-programming, DVDs with ads you can't skip, or any of a few hundred other insanely annoying modern things, then this book will finally lend creedence to your frustrations.
Say NOto the awful ideas, terrible people, useless products, and infuriating doublespeak that increasingly dominates our lives. Never before has there been a book so completely full of shit.
Clearly, it isn't just you...

Written by the host of the GopherHaul Lawn Care Business Show and Forum. When you are a teenager you have a lot of rebellious energy. Why not take that energy, harness it to be productive, and make money This book will show you how to succeed in starting your own landscaping & lawn care business. I cover the basics of how to register your business to advanced topics like incentives to get employees to sell more. Based on my highly successful Stop Lowballing lawn care business book, the topics within have been expanded to give more insight to a reader with no previous entrepreneur experience. I share with you interviews from successful teenage lawn care business owners who discuss issues they have dealt with and overcome to find success. Interested in furthering your lawn care business? Download hundreds of FREE lawn care flyer, door hanger, business contract, logo and website templates. Free 30 day trial of Gopher Lawn Care Business Software visit http: //www.gophersoftware.co

PROBLEM: Scheduling & billing repetitive lawn care or landscaping jobs is tedious and time consuming. SOLUTION: Gopher Billing & Scheduling Software allows you to Quickly and Easily schedule jobs and create invoices. Gopher Landscape Billing and Scheduling Software simplifies the task of scheduling your lawn care jobs and billing your customers. Simply set up your jobs at the beginning of the season and let Gopher handle the rest. With Gopher, you can print out a list of scheduled jobs for each day and then automatically print invoices after those jobs have been completed. This book will teach you how to use this powerful software and make it easier to manage your business. You can download a 30 day trial of Gopher Lawn Care Billing & Scheduling Software at http: //www.gophersoftware.com

Coming up with marketing and service ideas to keep busy and profitable all year long can be difficult. Most of the times we are just not in the mood to sit and think up creative ways to make more money. Well thankfully I have been able to interview thousands of lawn care business owners over the years and ask them what's worked and what hasn't. The responses and the follow up questions have really uncovered a treasure trove of ideas that I compiled here to share with you. Now you don't have to get frustrated when trying to come up with new ideas. Just keep this book around as a reference. Some of these ideas might just work right off the shelf while others might need to be altered to fit your needs. Ultimately it's always better to have ideas on stand by just in case. This book is the third in a series of lawn care business marketing books I have published and contains lawn care marketing ideas cherry picked from previous content I have written as well as new unpublished material. Dream it, Build It, Gopher It By Steve Low Host of The GopherHaul Lawn Care Business Show and the Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum.

Are you in the planning stages of starting a lawn care or landscaping business or operate one and want to know what tips, tricks and secrets others in the industry know? This episode guide is for you. The 26 episodes of our lawn care business show GopherHaul have been viewed over 1,000,000 times. All we have learned over the years has been put into this book to share with you. Topics discuss include: How to raise start up capital. Seasonal marketing ideas. What to do when your largest client leaves? What's better to use, postcards or brochures? How to build your customer base with referrals? Gain one customer then lose one customer. How to stop it? How to pre-qualify customers when they call? How to bid jobs. What should you include in a commercial lawn care bid? What newspaper ads work best? How to buy a lawn care business. Tips on buying used lawn care equipment. And much more.. Also download our FREE 30 day trial of Gopher Lawn Care Software http: //www.gophersoftware.com

If you ever had thought about starting your own lawn care or landscaping business but weren't sure how to go about putting together a business plan, this book will show you examples of lawn care business plans created on the Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum. The author of this lawn care business book is the host of The GopherHaul Lawn Care Business Show and the Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum. Inside is a step by step guide on how to make a landscape or lawn care business plan with real life examples including income and expense projections as well as customer acquisition goals. This lawn care business book is a great tool to help you improve your odds of finding success. Interested in furthering your studies of the lawn care industry? Make sure you check out the Gopher Lawn Care Business Forum. Hundreds of FREE lawn care flyer, door hanger, business contracts, logos and website templates. Free 30 day trial of Gopher Lawn Care Software visit http: //www.gophersoftware.com