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The classic parody of "The Lord of the Rings" is back With a
brand-new "boreword" by Henry Beard.
The Power almighty rests in this Lone Ring.
The Power, alrighty, for doing your Own Thing.
If broken or busted, it cannot be remade
If found, send to Sorhed (the postage is prepaid).
It's up to Boggie Frito Bugger and his band of misfits--including
inept wizard Goodgulf Grayteeth, halfwit Spam Gangree, twins Moxie
and Pepsi, and Arrowroot of Arrowshirt--to carry the Great Ring to
Fordor and cast it into the Zazu Pits.
Can they avoid death by hickey tree and escape the dread ballhog?
Can the fellowship overcome the narcs and Nozdruls hounding their
every move and save Lower Middle Earth once and for all? Yes, of
course--this isn't "Hamlet, "you know.
A loving but take-no-prisoners (grant them full amnesty) send-up of
the beloved book and television franchise, Lame of Thrones will do
for Game of Thrones what Nightlight and The Hunger Pains did for
Twilight and The Hunger Games, offering fans a way of reentering
the fictional world they have come to love and exploding all of its
conventions-as well as their expectations of the characters-to
hilarious ends. This side-splitting gut-busting laugh-tastic
rib-tickling make-you-laugh ha-ha parody may just even leave you
more satisfied than the actual ending of Game of Thrones. And in
addition to fancy-shmancy satisfaction, this book will also leave
you with something way more important-something no book ever has
been able to achieve: gratuitous sex and violence that is somehow
more graphic than the sex and violence on the TV version of Game of
Thrones. Lame of Thrones will take you to Westopolis, where several
different extremely attractive egomaniacs are vying to be ruler of
the realm and sit on the Pointy Chair. Our hero Jon Dough was a
likely bet, but the untimely murder of him by his own men of the
Night's Crotch has made that seem less likely. However,
Smellisandre, a witch who has the uncannily convenient ability to
bring people back to life is also conveniently located in the same
room as Jon's corpse, so maybe she'll do something about it? Will
Dragon Queen Dennys Grandslam escape from her Clothkakhi captors
and return to conquer the world? Or will she just get left in the
desert for the rest of the books, counting grains of sand? And what
about Jon Dough's siblings Bland Snark, who's off training with the
Pink Eyed Raven, and Malarya Snark, who's off training with the
Tasteless Men? Will they be mentioned? Probably? Almost definitely,
yes? It would be weird if they weren't prominent characters in the
book, you say? To find out, read the book you wish George R.R.
Martin would write, aka the book that brought The Harvard Lampoon
out of publishing retirement-after five years of wandering the
wasteland of the internet-ready to serve parody notice to Game of
Thrones, one of the most popular book and television franchises of
the past two decades.
Sometimes childish, sometimes rude, always clever and always very,
very funny, this book has delighted most, and outraged a few,
Tolkien fans in the US for more than 40 years. Pulling in
references to popular culture and fantasy literature as a whole,
this is a killingly effective parody of THE LORD OF THE RINGS. From
the dreary Goddamn (Gollum) to the feckless Arrowroot (Aragorn),
the bungling Goodgulf (Gandalf) to the timid, mean-minded boggies
Frito (Frodo) and Dildo (Bilbo), no character is safe. Fleeing the
Nozdrul, bored by acid-casualty Tim Benzedrine and harassed
throughout by the minions of Sorhed, the fellowship move through a
Middle Earth like no other. Short, sharp and very much to the
point, even Tolkien would be hard-pressed to surpress a giggle at
BORED OF THE RINGS.
"About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was
most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part
of him-which I assumed was wildly out of his control-that wanted me
dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably,
heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had
kissed me. ""
"
And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly
Edwart Mullen in the "Harvard Lampoon"'s hilarious send-up of
"Twilight."
Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for
adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers
Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls.
After witnessing a number of strange events-Edwart leaves his tater
tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying
snowball!-Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But
how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his
eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?
Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship,
creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, "Nightlight "is
the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in
all the wrong places.
When Aaron Sorkinshield and his band of Little People embark on a
totally feasible quest to reclaim the hoard of Academy Awards
stolen from them by the lonely Puff the Magic Dragon, senile wizard
Dumbledalf suggests an unlikely and completely unqualified
accomplice: Billy Bagboy, an unassuming wobbit dwelling in
terrorist-riddled Wobbottabad. Along the way, the company faces
Internet trolls, moblins, one really big spider that must be at
least an inch and a half wide, and worse. But as they journey from
the wonders of Livinwell to the terrors of Jerkwood and beyond,
Billy will find that there is more to him than anyone-Tolkien
included-ever dreamed. Propelled to his destiny by a series of
courageous adventures and indented paragraphs, Billy will set out
on the greatest YOLO of all time . . . one that leads deep into the
dark caverns hiding a mysterious man named Goldstein, who's just
trying to have a nice seder.
When you like, live forever, what's there to live for? 'About three
things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my
soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him - which I
assumed was wildly out of his control - that wanted me dead. And
third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably,
heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had
kissed me.' And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious
and sparkly Edwart Mullen in this hilarious send-up of Twilight.
Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for
adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers
Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls.
After witnessing a number of strange events - Edwart leaves his
hash browns untouched at lunch! - he saves her from a flying
snowball and Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire.
But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into
his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so
repulsive? Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental
guardianship, creepy stalker-like behaviour, and a vampire prom,
Nightlight is the hysterical tale of a vampire-obsessed girl,
looking for love in all the wrong places.
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