An odd mix of revealing personal memoir and academic writing that
its author calls experimental ethnography. Ellis (Sociology/Univ.
of South Florida) tells the story of her complex and constantly
shifting relationship with Gene Weinstein from their first meeting
in 1975, when she was a 24-year-old graduate student and he a
44-year-old professor of sociology, until his death from emphysema
in 1984. As Ellis's mentor at the State University of New York,
Stony Brook, Weinstein was something of a control freak, and if
anyone dominated their early relationship it was he. Over the nine
years they were together, the relationship took various twists and
turns as his emphysema grew steadily worse and his dependence on
Ellis increased. She eventually became his caretaker and, when he
was on his deathbed, his wife. Ellis does not spare either herself
or Weinstein. These are two articulate, intelligent adults who are
sometimes angry, selfish, and petty; sometimes thoughtful, patient,
and loving; and sometimes an untidy mixture of all of the above.
They comfort each other, they scream at each other, they embarrass
each other, they protect themselves. And Ellis reports it all as
both participant and observer. Her detailed account of the changing
dynamics of their relationship is presented in Parts 2, 3, and 4;
thus readers primarily interested in the love story can read it
without interruption if they choose. Ellis hopes that social
scientists will see her work as a legitimate humanizing and
personalizing of sociology, and in Parts 1, 5, and 6, she gives the
book a sociological framework by explaining her methodology and her
intent. Sociologists will undoubtedly quibble about its
acceptability as a piece of scientific writing. Let them. This is a
remarkably revealing portrait of a couple dealing with a
debilitating chronic illness. Gutsy and very good. (Kirkus Reviews)
When Carolyn Ellis, a graduate student, and Gene Weinstein, her
Professor, fell in love, he was experiencing the first stages of
emphysema. As he became increasingly disabled and immobile, these
two intensely connected partners fought to maintain their love and
to live a meaningful life. They learned to negotiate their daily
lives in a way that enabled each of them to feel sufficiently
autonomous-him not always like a patient and her not always like a
caretaker. Writing as a sociologist, Ellis protrays their life
together as a way to understand the complexities of romance, of
living with a progressive illness, and, in the final negotiation
and reversal of positions, of coping with the loss of a loved
one.This rare memoir full of often raw details and emotions becomes
an intimate conversation about the intricacies of feeling and
relating in a relationship. What Ellis calls experimental
ethnography is a finely crafted, forthright, and daring story
framed by the author's reflections on writing about and analyzing
one's own life. Casting off the safe distance of most social
science inquiry, she surrenders the private shroud of a complex
relationship to bring sociology closer to literature.
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