If you will carefully observe any map of the world that is divided
into inches at so many miles to the inch, you will be surprised as
you calculate the distance between that enchanting Paris of France
and the third-precinct police-station of Washington, D. C, which is
not enchanting. It is several thousand miles. Again, if you will
take the pains to run your glance, no doubt discerning, over the
police-blotter at the court (and frankly, I refuse to tell you the
exact date of this whimsical adventure), you will note with even
greater surprise that all this hubbub was caused by no crime
against the commonwealth of the Republic or against the person of
any of its conglomerate people. The blotter reads, in heavy simple
fist, "disorderly conduct," a phrase which is almost as embracing
as the word diplomacy, or society, or respectability. So far as my
knowledge goes, there is no such a person as James Osborne. If, by
any unhappy chance, he does exist, I trust that he will pardon the
civil law of Washington, my own measure of familiarity, and the
questionable taste on the part of my hero - hero, because, from the
rise to the fall of the curtain, he occupies the center of the
stage in this little comedy-drama, and because authors have yet to
find a happy synonym for the word. The name James Osborne was given
for the simple reason that it was the first that occurred to the
culprit's mind, so desperate an effort did he make to hide his
identity. Supposing, for the sake of an argument in his favor,
supposing he had said John Smith or William Jones or John Brown? To
this very day he would have been hiring lawyers to extricate him
from libel and false-representation suits. Besides, had he given
any of these names, would not that hound-like scent of the ever
suspicious police have been aroused?
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