Our narrator's too smart to tell you his name ("if I [did], you'd
be as clever as me"), but he's not afraid to tell you everything
else about the "layer cake"--London's intricately arranged
constellation of underworld fiefdoms. The worst thing about drug
dealing--according to our unnamed narrator--whether you're a classy
top dealer trading millions or a down-and-out street pusher, is
that you have to relate to a lot of total idiots - loudmouths and
tough-guy wannabes who aren't afraid to get nicked by old bill and
thrown in the boob (arrested by police and jailed). Our narrator is
a smoothly diplomatic 29-year-old cocaine dealer who has earned a
respected place among England's Mafia elite. Speaking in a language
rich with drug jargon, vulgarities, British slang, and Cockneyisms,
he manages high-level trafficking with a tough old veteran partner,
Mister Mortimer, a man who gave the narrator his start in the
business, and who has seen his share of prison (five and a half
year term) and deadly fights (he owns a porn store, and loves to
set up guys looking for child porn by directing them to come back
at a special time, then beating the living daylights out of them
when they return). Our narrator's goal is to retire at 30 and spend
his remaining years far from the danger and double-dealing of
London's crime gangs. But like most high rollers, he finds it hard
to walk away from just one more deal. Morty rings up our narrator
one early Saturday morning with an invitation to an exclusive
members only restaurant far off in the English countryside. They're
off for "a spot of luncheon" with the Don, Jimmy Price. Jimmy is a
legend, a crime boss who's been in the business for years by hiring
the best lawyers and keeping a low-key profile. This is a man who
is always gets what he wants, and is not used to people refusing
him favors. Which is exactly the spot our narrator soon finds
himself in when over lunch, Jimmy hands down a tough assignment:
find Charlotte Ryder, the missing rich princess daughter of Jimmy's
old pal Edward, a powerful construction business player and gossip
papers socialite. It's a hard deal to refuse, but Jimmy can spot
the edge on our narrator and makes him a deal - if you find
Charlotte, you can leave the life for good. Our narrator sets out
to find Billy Bogus, a grifter with a gift for mimicry and
ingratiating himself into any area of society he wants. Bank and
credit card fraud is his trade, with a healthy dollop of hustling
young women out of their trust funds for good measure. On his way
to meet Bogus, he runs into a small time punk named Sid in a local
nightclub who runs with a band of thugs called "the Yahoos." With
him is a stunning woman, a "real love-a-player type" named Tammy.
Sid tells our narrator a bloody story about a friend of his named
"The Duke" who recently got ambushed by a state of the art crew
armed with laser sighted Uzis. Our narrator won't figure out the
significance of this story until later as he's too busy checking
out Tammy, who flirtatiously gives him her number while Sid is
distracted. Our narrator reports to Jimmy's right hand man, Gene,
that he's on the case, but Gene has other business. Turns out that
the Yahoos have two million pounds' worth of Grade A ecstasy to
sell, and Gene wants our narrator to handle the deal. It's an
irresistible deal, just the right amount of money to top off his
retirement fund. He sets up a meeting with him, Mort, and the
Yahoos kingpins, Big Frankie and JD while finally catching up with
Billy Bogus, who agrees to help find our narrator Charlotte by
tracking down Charlotte's boyfriend Kinky--for a price, of course.
Big Frankie and JD keep quiet about where they've gotten the
tablets, but the "gear" is top quality, confirmed by none other
than Sir Alex ("chief chemical taster"). Things are looking up when
Mort sets up his gang to meet up with a crew, headed by a man named
Trevor, up in Northern England who he thinks will be perfect to
unload the goods on. There's only one problem - they don't want the
goods. This crew informs our narrator that an Ecstasy factory has
been hijacked--most likely by the Yahoos--and now a brutal neo-Nazi
sect wants those pills back. They've already hit up a house that
belongs to "the Duke", and here is where Sid's story from the club
all makes sense. Our narrator drives back to London with Mort in
tow and gets a call from Bogus, who tells him he's found Kinky.
Dead. In a London housing project. It looks like a typical drug
overdose, but a young kid drug dealer who helped Bogus find Kinky
says he was murdered. Meanwhile, our narrator sets up a rendezvous
with Tammy in a hotel room. As he steps out of the shower, two
toughs ambush him, who roll him up in a carpet, and abduct him in a
long box. The toughs take him to a construction site to meet with
their boss, Eddie Ryder, Charlotte's father. Eddie tells our
narrator that Jimmy Price has pulled a fast one on him - his
daughter's isn't missinnnnnng. What's worse, Jimmy's made a deal
with some renegade Chechens that have swindled him to the tune of
thirteen million pounds. To pull himself out of the hole, he set up
the narrator to find Eddie's daughter, then hold her for ransom.
The double cross, though, turns into a triple cross when Eddie
plays our narrator a tape that reveals Jimmy Price is an informer
for the police and has set up a sting for our narrator where he
plans to send him to jail for long time, and make off with the
narrator's retirement fund. Finding himself undercut,
double-crossed, hung out to dry, and struggling to survive, our
narrator's survival instincts kick in. He changes from a
turn-the-other-cheek diplomat to a revenge-charged hit man
overnight, starting by killing Jimmy Price. Next, he agrees to sell
the ecstasy tablets to Ryder, who plans to unload them to the
Yakuza in Japan, which will put a nice chunk of change in our
narrator's pocket. Just before he leaves, our narrator mentions a
bit of dirt that Jimmy gave him in passing about Eddie, insuring
that Eddie won't kill our narrator--just in case he gets any funny
ideas about doing so. Suddenly, all of the narrator's problems
looked solved. Jimmy's dead, and those two million tabs of ecstasy
are headed to Japan. Then, Jimmy's right hand man Gene asks for a
meeting with Mort and our narrator. Gene accuses our narrator of
killing Jimmy and threatens to kill him unless he confesses. Our
narrator plays the tape Ryder gave him for Gene and Morty,
revealing Jimmy's double-dealings with the police. Gene lets our
narrator go and agrees never to discuss the crime again. All that
remains is the little matter of two million tabs of ecstasy. In a
flourish of double and triple crosses, our narrator's deal to
exchange the tabs for cash at Heathrow Airport falls apart, but
ends up with the tabs in Amsterdam. As he prepares to dash off to
Amsterdam to collect the loot, he decides to give Tammy a call
before he leaves. Unfortunately, Tammy's jealous boyfriend Sidney
tailed her, and shot the narrator three times, including twice in
the head. The narrator lived, recovered in the hospital, and is
ordered into retirement and exile by the cops. He rings Tammy to
offer her one more chance to meet, but she tells him "girls like
dangerous guys but you're seriously fuckin' life threatening. How
many girls do you know end up covered in blood, chief prosecution
witness in an attempted murder trial on their first date?" She
wishes our narrator well, who has plenty of time to reflect on his
life as an ex-pat in Curacao, Brazil. He acknowledges that, in
life, you never stop learning, but you never stop forgetting
either. He has plenty of time now to ruminate on both, living a
life where he can remember why he left the business, but never
forget why he can't tell us his name.
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