Contemporary grandmothers are often marginalized from extended
family life because social institutions and grandmothers themselves
do not understand that they could be vital for working parents, for
overactive children, for suicidal youth, indeed for many of the
problems of modern grandchildren. The genetics and hormones of
older women have designed them to be vital family members, with
patience and perspective that come with age and experience. In
addition, biology helps directly via menopause. The grandmother
hypothesis explains that human women, unlike almost any other
living creature, experience decades of life after menopause, in
order to make grandmothers available to their descendants. Here,
Kathleen Berger explores he role of grandmothers in the lives of
their grandchildren. She uses real life examples to illustrate how
grandmothers can best integrate themselves into the lives of their
children’s families without overstepping. She explores the
particular needs of each stage of childhood as they relate to
grandmother involvement and input. Before a child is born,
grandmothers need to attend to building a strong relationship with
the future parents. In infancy, attachment and feeding are crucial.
In early childhood, grandmothers need to follow the parent’s
lead, remembering that a parental alliance is essential. In
childhood, children need to be safe but not isolated, and both
bullies and victims benefit from a grandmother’s support and
assistance. In adolescence and emerging adulthood, grandmothers
need to build direct connections and not avoid the difficult topics
of sex, drugs, death, disease, and money. Throughout, elders need
to learn technology, insuring that it fosters, not impedes
relationships. Problems in relationships are explained honestly and
with insight. Among these are issues when three generations share a
home, when parents get divorced, and when grandchildren rebel
against parental authority. Throughout the work, both the joy and
the complications of effective grandmothering are described.
Whether you’re a biological grandmother, a trusted
step-grandmother, or just a warm and trusted older woman with young
ones in your life, you can be a vital force in the lives of future
generations.
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