One message that comes along with ever-improving fertility
treatments and increasing acceptance of single motherhood, older
first-time mothers, and same-sex partnerships, is that almost any
woman can and should become a mother. The media and many studies
focus on infertile and involuntarily childless women who are
seeking treatment. They characterize this group as anxious and
willing to try anything, even elaborate and financially ruinous
high-tech interventions, to achieve a successful pregnancy.
But the majority of women who struggle with fertility avoid
treatment. The women whose interviews appear in "Not Trying" belong
to this majority. Their attitudes vary and may change as their life
circumstances evolve. Some support the prevailing cultural
narrative that women are meant to be mothers and refuse to see
themselves as childfree by choice. Most of these women, who come
from a wider range of social backgrounds than most researchers have
studied, experience deep ambivalence about motherhood and
non-motherhood, never actually choosing either path. They prefer to
let life unfold, an attitude that seems to reduce anxiety about not
conforming to social expectations.
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