Excerpt: ...Mrs. MALAPROP That's you, sir. ABSOLUTE Reads. Has
universally the character of being an accomplished gentleman and a
man of honour.-Well, that's handsome enough. Mrs. MALAPROP Oh, the
fellow has some design in writing so. ABSOLUTE That he had, I'll
answer for him, ma'am. Mrs. MALAPROP But go on, sir-you'll see
presently. ABSOLUTE Reads. As for the old weather-beaten she-dragon
who guards you-Who can he mean by that? Mrs. MALAPROP Me, sir -me
-he means me -There-what do you think now?-but go on a little
further. ABSOLUTE Impudent scoundrel -Reads. it shall go hard but I
will elude her vigilance, as I am told that the same ridiculous
vanity, which makes her dress up her coarse features, and deck her
dull chat with hard words which she don't understand-- Mrs.
MALAPROP There, sir, an attack upon my language what do you think
of that?-an aspersion upon my parts of speech was ever such a brute
Sure, if I reprehend any thing in this world, it is the use of my
oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs ABSOLUTE He
deserves to be hanged and quartered let me see-Reads. same
ridiculous vanity-- Mrs. MALAPROP You need not read it again, sir.
ABSOLUTE I beg pardon, ma'am.-Reads. does also lay her open to the
grossest deceptions from flattery and pretended admiration-an
impudent coxcomb -so that I have a scheme to see you shortly with
the old harridan's consent, and even to make her a go-between in
our interview.-Was ever such assurance Mrs. MALAPROP Did you ever
hear anything like it?-he'll elude my vigilance, will he-yes, yes
ha ha he's very likely to enter these doors;-we'll try who can plot
best ABSOLUTE So we will, ma'am-so we will Ha ha ha a conceited
puppy, ha ha ha -Well, but Mrs. Malaprop, as the girl seems so
infatuated by this fellow, suppose you were to wink at her
corresponding with him for a little time-let her even plot an
elopement with him-then do you connive at her...
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