Monsignor Benson begins: "I have been told that I became a Catholic
because I was dispirited at failure and because I was elated at
success; because I was imaginative and because I was unperceptive;
because I was not hopeful enough and because I was too hopeful,
faithless and too trusting, too ardent and too despairing, proud
and pusillanimous. I have even been told, since the first
publication of these papers, that I have never truly understood the
Church of England." He then proceeds to describe his life story in
the Church of England, which included ordination as an Anglican
"priest." (He uses the quotation marks to designate his
ordination.) He describes how the Sacrament of Confession was dear
to him and led him to the Catholic Church. He details how his life
flowed forward and his thinking became clear, for there are many
theories going about. One is the "Branch Theory," which holds that
the "catholic church" consists of three branches, Anglican, Roman
and Orthodox. All come from the same root, according to this
theory. "Secondly, there was the question of Catholicity itself.
The Anglican theory was simply bewildering, as I looked at it from
a less provincial standpoint. I had no notion as to who was the
rightful Bishop, say, of Zanzibar; it would depend, I thought,
chiefly on the question as to which Communion, the Roman or the
Anglican, happened to have landed first on the African coast In
fact, Jurisdiction was represented to me as a kind of pious
race-game. In Ireland I knew very well that I was in communion with
persons who, according to my personal views, were simply heretics,
and out of communion with persons who believed, so far as practical
religion went, exactly what I myself believed. On the other hand,
the Roman theory was simplicity itself. "I am in communion," the
Romanist could say with St. Jerome, "with Thy Blessedness - that
is, with the Chair of Peter. On this rock I know that the Church is
built." The Roman theory worked, the Anglican did not." "I do not
suppose that anyone ever entered the City of God with less emotion
than mine. It seemed to me that I was utterly without feeling; I
had neither joy nor sorrow, nor dread nor excitement. There was the
Truth, as aloof as an icepeak, and I had to embrace it. Never for
one single instant did I doubt that, nor, perhaps it is unnecessary
to say, have I ever doubted it since. I tried to reproach myself
with my coldness, but all fell quite flat. I was as one coming out
of the glare of artificial light, out of warmth and brightness and
friendliness, into a pale daylight of cold and dreary certainty. I
was uninterested and quite positive." This may sound like a strange
conversion story, but let us consider that the ways of Almighty God
vary from individual to individual.
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