Warning from publisher to reader:
At HarperCollins, we are committed to customer satisfaction.
Before proceeding with your purchase, please take the following
questionnaire to determine your likelihood of enjoying this
book:
1. Which of the following do you appreciate? (a) Women with
somewhat horse-ish facial features.
(b) Women who, while not super Jew-y, are more identifiably Jewish
than, say, Natalie Portman.
(c) Frequent discussion of unwanted body hair.
2. Are you offended by the following behavior? (a) Instructing
one's grandmother to place baked goods in her rectal cavity.
(b) Stripping naked in public--eleven times in a row.
(c) Stabbing one's boss in the head with a writing implement.
3. The best way to treat an emotionally fragile young girl is:
(a) Murder the main course of her Thanksgiving dinner before her
very eyes.
(b) Tell her that her older sister is prettier than she, and then
immediately die.
(c) Prevent her suicide by recommending she stay away from open
windows.
If you read the above questions without getting nauseous or
forming a hate Web site, you are ready to buy this book Please
proceed to the cashier.
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