A famous philosopher. A giant meat cleaver. A sordid tale of love, revenge, hatred, and interstellar shenanigans, all stirred in a giant copper pot and boiled with leeks. This is the never-before-told bizarro history of the illustrious Francois-Marie Arouet, known to the world as Voltaire. This is pain This is suffering This is wild, sticky-sweat-between-the-sheets action Inter-dimensional space and time travel, space-brides, desiccated planets, great literature, and Slobodan Milosevic, too. We invite you to the party. Please bring your own soap and Quaaludes.

Francois-Marie Arouet, better known as Voltaire, is back and ready for action Armed with only his wits, his wig, and his mighty cleaver (which he did not have in 1484), our daring and dangerous hero accepts a critical mission to save some very minor characters from F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby. Wait, did you say MINOR characters? Who CARES if Klipspringer or the owl-faced man die horrible deaths? The Universe cares, that's who. Its very fabric could be torn asunder, leaving gaping holes in time, space, and the plot of this very book. Should Voltaire fail, the consequences will be unacceptable. For you, Dear Reader, shall awaken in the morning married to the boil on the Queen of Spain's buttock. Pain, suffering, sex, squirrels, and advanced weaponry pervade this towering work of modern-day literature. Those who hold The Great Gatsby in high esteem will fawn over this nouveau look into its world, composing dissertations on its scope and the in-depth philosophical questions it raises."