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See the funny side of ageing with this collection of amusing
observations, silly suggestions and humorous illustrations - the
perfect gift for any birthday girl or boy with more than a few
candles on their cake So you're a little bit older. So what? Just
because you're getting on a bit doesn't mean you have to start
acting ancient. The universe is over 13 billion years old, and
you're probably nowhere near that yet - well, not quite anyway.
Frankly, it's never too early to start enjoying your second
childhood, to stop taking life so seriously and to start acting a
bit silly again. This book will be your go-to guide for inspiration
and merriment while clocking up birthdays like they're going out of
fashion. Across these pages, you'll find all kinds of wild
recommendations and questionable advice, including: Things it's
never too late to do Grown-up and less grown-up ways to behave at
work How to keep up with modern technology Ways you can blend in
with younger people Things you can have tantrums about as you get
older So forget the creaking joints or fleeing follicles and
embrace the opportunities for mischief and mirth - after all,
growing old doesn't mean growing up!
Congratulations! You're 60! You're halfway to being the oldest
person who ever lived! But how much of the past 60 years can you
remember? You've lived through the summer of love, the moon
landings, Ronnie and Maggie, Den and Angie and the entire history
of the internet. This is the quiz book that will give your
60-year-old brain cells a nostalgic workout to find out how much
attention you were paying to the events, characters and fads of
your lifetime. So what are you waiting for? Let's take a quizzical
look back at your life.
Welcome to The Wicked Wit of Cricket, a compendium packed with the
game’s greatest stories from both on and off the field. ‘The
English,’ as George Bernard Shaw once remarked, ‘are not very
spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea
of eternity.’ Some might call it eternity. Others might instead
regard it as heaven. The world of cricket is nevertheless one that
is filled with larger than life characters – be they the great
players, the unforgettable commentators, the legendary umpires or
the most enthusiastic and barmiest fans. The contest between
leather and willow is, after all, only challenged by soccer as the
world's most popular sport. The Wicket Wit of Cricket is a
sumptuous feast of cricket’s greatest tales, legends and
anecdotes all spread out across the clubhouse table in bite-sized
pieces. Bringing together the sport’s most famous quips, insults,
pranks, mishaps, incredible facts, outrageous incidents, plus all
those great moments of commentary where the words did not come out
quite as intended. This is a book packed not just with wicked wit
but with wicket wit as well!
Finally, you're a proper grown-up! But between the paunch and the
mortgage, you're starting to wonder if this is what you really
want. You need midlife crisis survival skills: Stop calling it a
midlife crisis and start calling it Teenagehood part 2. Do go to
the gym occasionally. Don't train to join the Olympic weightlifting
team. This mischievous little book will help you enjoy your second
youth with tongue-in-cheek advice and cheeky illustrations.
Christmas! They say it's the happiest, most wonderful time of the
year ... Unfortunately, it's preceded by the most exhausting,
exasperating and expensive time of the year ... And, even worse,
the run-up to Christmas now seems to begin sometime in late August.
Never mind. It's all worth it of course because on Christmas day
you get to watch your family's faces light up as they unwrap all
the exciting presents you've got them, before they give you some
socks and shower gel in return. Christmas Jokes for Funny Blokes is
a new compilation of great jokes old and new celebrating the highs
and lows of all aspects of the holiday season including the truth
about Santa and his reindeer; present buying; over indulgence;
parties; presents; preparations; decorations; carol singing;
traditions; atrocious winter weather, the lot. It's the perfect
joke book for funny blokes to enjoy at Christmas time, to keep them
out of mischief during the festive season, to torment the family
with over the festive table – or possibly just to distract them
until it's time to start the post-Christmas diet.
Explore 'Beatle Land' and the iconic sites associated with The
Beatles' fame. The 'Fab Four' - John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George
Harrison and Ringo Starr - were all born and brought up in
Liverpool, and this illustrated guide reveals why the city was
crucial to their musical success. Following in their footsteps
around Liverpool and Merseyside, the book explores the places that
influenced The Beatles' musical direction and eventual stardom.
Discover the significance of the locations behind hit singles such
as 'Strawberry Fields Forever' and 'Penny Lane', as well as iconic
music venue The Cavern Club. The book's handy location map will
guide you to all the sights, including: * St Peter's Church where
Paul famously first met John, who was playing in his band The
Quarrymen in the grounds. * The Mersey Ferry which provided a great
venue for the Beatles to perform in 1961 and 1962. * Strawberry
Fields where John visited summer fairs with his aunt, and which was
the inspiration behind the hit single 'Strawberry Fields Forever' *
Penny Lane and its bus roundabout, celebrated in the song with the
same name. * The Cavern Club, the iconic music venue where The
Beatles played 292 times and where Brian Epstein first saw them
perform in 1961. * John, Paul, George and Ringo's childhood homes.
The book also looks at the band's early childhood influences
including schools, parents and relatives that left an indelible
mark on the character of the boys as they grew up, as well as their
manager Brian Epstein's role and influence as another Liverpool
lad. Fully illustrated, this is the ultimate Beatles fan's guide to
Liverpool.
Take a brighter look at life on the other side of 40You may never
now become a rock star or regain the waist size you had at 18. You
have taken a sudden interest in bleeding your radiators and
figuring out the best route by road to anywhere in the country. On
the bright side, you can feel smug that you have better grammar
than a college student and don't have to dig out your embarrassing
passport photo to get into bars or buy alcohol.
A hilarious collection of the weirdest, stupidest and most
outrageous things ever said on the internet on sites such as
Facebook, Twitter, Ebay, Amazon, YouTube and even in good
old-fashioned emails. Years ago if you said or did something stupid
or embarrassing, it would have remained relatively private and have
would soon been forgotten. Now thanks to advances in technology
every cringe-making remark that we make online is preserved not
only for the rest of eternity but is also instantly available for
all the world to see! Wow! I'm a Genieous! presents an irresistible
collection of ill-thought out comments, opinions, online disputes
and sheer unashamed ignorance. So join us as we find the people who
put the twit in Twitter and the mess in instant message. Contents
include: Stupid Questions and Stupid Answers: e.g. "Does anyone
know Obama's last name?" "Are there any lakes in the Lake
District?" Angry Outbursts: Furious, insane or wildly over the top
comments from You Tube etc Harrods it ain't - buying and selling on
the internet: "I won a filthy Powerbook 540 which took about one
month to arrive. The seller clearly used rubbish from their bin to
pack the box; complete with McDonalds wrappers with old french
fries and lettuce!" Observations To Leave You Speechless: "Does it
rain in Australia? Because it's the other side of the world doesn't
the rain just fall away into space?", "The Olympics has been going
three thousand years?! We're only up to 2012!" "I like to tape my
thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur."
Reviews from Hell: "The beach was too sandy and there were too many
fish in the sea...", "We went on holiday to Spain and had problems
with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish" Online Slip Ups:
Internet-based disasters e.g. the school headmaster who asked his
bursar to reply to a complaint from an old lady by telling her to
"get stuffed" but accidentally copied her in on the message
Communication Problems: Extraordinary spelling mistakes and
terrible grammar e.g. "nothing more fun than wachting sex and city
and raping Christmas pressants", "Why is the USA bombin Labia?"
People Who Really Don't Deserve Our Money: e.g. An email from a
Euromillions winner promising you a share of their win. As if!
DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A JOKE?
Better yet, do you want to be the person who keeps friends, family
and coworkers laughing with a new joke every day? Packed full of
THOUSANDS OF JOKES and alphabetically organized into hundreds of
topics from ACCOUNTANTS TO ZEBRAS, this book offers you a massive
collection of over-the-top jokes that will have everyone LAUGHING
OUT LOUD.
-Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? "He
finally decided to stick it out for one more year! "
-A dog with three legs walks into a Wild West bar and says, "I'm
looking for the man who shot my paw."
-Where do you get virgin wool from? "An ugly sheep!"
-What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
""Oh look! Donut seeds!"
-The police have reported the theft of a shipment of filing
cabinets, document folders and labeling machines--it's believed to
have been the work of organized crime.
You know you're having a midlife crisis when... ... all your
clothes are made of leather - including your pyjamas. Have you
taken a sudden liking to bodycon clothing that's three sizes too
small? Are you considering a sexier upgrade to your car or even
your partner? Try not to panic: it's only a midlife crisis. And
besides, attempting to recapture your youth can be a lot of fun!
Who said there's anything wrong with growing old disgracefully?
Wrinklies Bedside Companion contains everything that the greying
generation needs to know about the world, and quite a lot that they
don't. Specially designed to live on your bedside table, or
wherever you prefer to nap, and to provide light relief before
sleep, be a source of interesting quotes and facts for insomniac
Wrinklies or serve as a one-stop quote shop for all things that
those of you with plenty of life experience will find amusing. Full
of short, jokey pieces looking at various aspects of life from a
Wrinklies' point of view. These pieces are quirky, satirical,
imaginative and above all very funny. They are of course specially
designed to appeal to the older reader by tapping into their
interests, attitudes, opinions, experience, health problems and the
like.
Is your eyesight failing, are you not very good at driving yourself
or are you simply blind drunk? These are just a few of the reasons
why it would make perfect sense to teach your dog to be your new
chauffeur. Here, for the first time, is a complete guide: how to
get your dog acquainted with the controls, which breeds are the
safest drivers, frequently asked questions; and how to get your dog
successfully through their tests. Never again need you wait for a
taxi, or make that long motorway drive unassisted. If you are a dog
owner and a car owner, then How to Teach Your Dog to Drive will be
the most useful book you buy this year, or even this decade . . .
This sparkling collection of golden age wit and wisdom is
proof-positive that the stereotypes of knitting grannies and
doddering granddads just aren't true anymore - if, indeed, they
ever were. Senior citizens are not going gentle into that good
night. They're still out there, living life to the full, taking
selfies, 'silver surfing' the net and showing the rest of us how to
grow up and grow old disgracefully. Because as Maurice Chevalier
said, 'Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.'
This is a joke book specifically designed for oldies, so look out
you young whippersnappers - you probably won't get half of them!
Knock, knock. Who's there? The grandchildren. It's one of the few
phrases guaranteed to fill you with both delight and dread - the
grandchildren are coming! Of course you love to see them, but what
do you do with them for the next few hours - or even days?
Thankfully, this book is here to guide you through. Choose from a
whole host of delights: Games old and new Magic tricks that even
you won't be able to mess up Jokes that will make you the first
sit-down stand-up comedian The hours will fly by and, with any
luck, you'll have just as much fun as they do!
Growing older doesn't mean you have to grow up! If you're the sort
of golden oldie who still likes to party hard, chats up strangers
in bars, listens to loud music (and not because your hearing is
going), or dresses so outrageously that your grandchildren beg you
to 'tone it down', then this book is for you. Full of irreverent
advice on how to misbehave and put the younger generation to shame,
Wrinklies Growing Old Disgracefully is a hilarious celebration of
mis-spent seniority, written by two successful comedy sketch
writers.
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