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I Once was a Buddhist Nun (Paperback)
Loot Price: R248
Discovery Miles 2 480
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I Once was a Buddhist Nun (Paperback)
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List price R305
Loot Price R248
Discovery Miles 2 480
You Save R57 (19%)
Expected to ship within 9 - 15 working days
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(Extract from) Chapter 1 1 Rock bottom `Peace I leave with you; My
peace I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled neither let it
be afraid.' (John 14:27 Nkjv) It was the morning of Sunday 21 July
1991, a warm summer's day. The wind-battered hilltop was today
pleasantly bathed with a sunny glow. I was living in a Buddhist
monastery, north of London, England. In bad weather it often felt
like a bleak place, dotted with the wooden huts in which we lived.
The huts had a temporary look about them, built above the ground,
which seemed to encourage nasty gusts of chilled air to blow
underneath. The trees and shrubs we had planted in the field were
still very young, but were beginning to add a bit more greenery to
the surroundings. We hadn't had the meal yet, but I wasn't hungry
that day. I had other things on my mind. I was one of the few
ordained members of the community left at the temple. Nearly
everyone, including the lay people and guests staying with us, had
departed early in the morning to attend an ordination ceremony at
our other monastery in the south of England. This was one of the
highlights of the year, our biggest ceremonial event - the one day
when suitable men and women could take the higher ordination. I had
relished seeing new people ordain. It was exciting and full of
meaning for me. Ordinarily I would not have missed it. But this
year I didn't want to be there. I had asked for permission not to
go. I had lived in a Buddhist temple for eight years, most of that
time in England as a nun (although I spent the first six months in
a forest temple in Thailand before ordaining). I had taken two
ordinations, initially as a novice and then as a Buddhist nun
(known as a ten-precept nun). I was searching deeply for truth, and
had strongly believed that Buddhism could take me there. I had
given up everything that was necessary to follow the Buddhist way.
Some people may consider it an extreme way to live. The life of a
Buddhist nun was strict and disciplined. It involved many ascetic
practices which had the aim of giving up the pleasures of the world
in search for truth. They were designed to simplify life and help
us detach from earthly things. Living like this was often very
tiring, but it had become normal for me and very much part of me.
We slept little, ate only one meal a day and experienced much
sensory deprivation. We didn't listen to the radio or television,
and so at some level were cut off from the world. I was known for
my strong faith in Buddhism and hadn't ever really doubted the
purpose of living like this. Until now. Something had changed
dramatically. I had begun seriously to doubt Buddhism. This had
never happened before and I was inwardly shaken and somewhat
bewildered as a result, none of which I liked. I wanted and needed
to be sure. I didn't know what was happening to me or where the
strong persistent faith that I once had was disappearing to: it
felt like sand slipping out of my fingers. Today I was at a peak of
confusion and inner turmoil. I don't know where I was when I made
the decision to go out of the temple. Suddenly I found myself, with
my shaven head and dark brown robe, running down to the traditional
Anglican church in the nearby village. It was totally spontaneous.
I didn't know who or what I would find there. I just found myself
tearing out of the monastery and rushing down the hill. I was aware
as I went that I had asked no-one's permission to leave. This was
more urgent than etiquette! I just fled. My head was in a spin. I
thought, `I've got to talk to somebody, I've got to understand
what's happening to me.' I felt deep down that someone in the
church would have the answer, but I had no idea who or why. ...
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