Conventional grief models focus on the bereaved, including actions
that they need to take to get back to normalcy following the death
of a loved one. This book suggests that it might be helpful in the
grieving process to focus on the deceased, instead. Research points
to the benefits of altruistic acts and thoughts, including
improvements in mood. Altruistic acts and thoughts also could be
extended to the deceased, who in death has experienced a loss as
well. By taking on the perspective of and being empathic toward the
deceased, a "response shift" occurs that could result in mood
improvement and happiness in the bereaved. The book provides
guidelines for this alternative grief model in the death of a
child, of a teenager, of a spouse/partner, and of a sibling; and in
multiple deaths and in persistent grief experience among others.
Based on motivational principles, a workbook is also provided for
monitoring progress in coping with bereavement. Comprehension
questions and additional readings are provided in each chapter to
help the reader further explore the topic at hand. This book would
be useful in a course on death, dying and bereavement; to
healthcare practitioners/bereavement counsellors; and to scholars
in death, dying and bereavement across different fields including
psychology, sociology, social work, public health and religion.
Most grief models focus on the bereaved, including actions the
survivor needs to take to get back to normalcy after a loss.
However, in the grieving process it might be helpful if attention
is shifted to the deceased, instead. The bereaved, by doing things
she or he perceives as pleasing to the deceased, might receive
healing and satisfaction in return. Lisa Farino (2010) notes that
there is no shortage of research pointing to the beneficial effects
of focusing on others. In a study by Carolyn Schwartz and Rabbi
Meir Sendor (1999), lay people with a chronic disease were trained
to provide compassionate, unconditional regard to others who had
the same illness. The results showed that the providers of care and
compassion reported better quality of life than the recipients of
care and compassion, even though both givers and receivers had the
same disease. The givers showed profound improvements in
confidence, self-awareness, self-esteem, depression, and in role
functioning. The researchers emphasized the beneficial importance
of "response shift" (the shifting of internal standards, values,
and concept definition of health and well-being) in dealing with
one's own adversity. Farino (2010) notes that this research is
profound because in western culture the belief is that feeling
happy tends to be getting something for yourself. There are
biological origins to the notion that "it's better to give than to
receive." Using the functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI),
researchers were able to demonstrate a connection between brain
activity and giving. People who gave voluntarily and also for a
good cause experienced more activation of the part of brain that
controls for pleasure and happiness (e.g, Harbaugh, Mayr &
Burghart, 2007). Studies show that about 7% of the US population
experience complicated or prolonged grief disorder (e.g., Kersting
et al, 2011). This is persistent grief that does not go away, and
many parents tend to experience this after the loss of a child. In
their study Catherine Rogers and colleagues (2008) found bereaved
parents reporting more depressive symptoms, poorer well-being and
more health problems after a child's loss almost 20 years later.
Survivors usually show concern about how their deceased loved ones
felt prior to death and if happy or not in the afterlife (e.g.,
Eyetsemitan & Eggleston, 2002). A study reported respondents
used emotion discrete terms such as sad, happy or angry to describe
the faces of deceased persons. The researchers suggested that the
perceived emotional state of a deceased loved one could impact on
the survivor's mourning trajectory (e.g., Eyetsemitan &
Eggleston, 2002). The bereavement model of placing focus on the
deceased instead, provides an alternative to existing bereavement
models, in helping the survivor to cope with a loss.
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