It's a sad reality but one we must face and understand for the
children's sake. Each year, hundreds of thousands of parents
separate or divorce, and their marital breakdown is most often
heartbreaking, mystifying, and painful for their children. The
youngsters, regardless of age, may or may not get honest, open
explanations. They may or may not understand. Reasons for the
breakdown aside, it is a loss for the children, something to
grieve. Many parents make it more difficult by putting the children
in the middle, or telling them things to alienate them against the
other parent. The children learn poor lessons that can last a
lifetime and affect their own future relationships. This book is
for separated, divorcing, and divorced parents who want to minimize
or remove the fallout for the kids. Those just contemplating
separation or divorce will find this text of great help in enabling
them to be proactive, to set a plan to avoid possible problems, and
to deal with those that will inevitably surface. Therapists Lippman
and Lewis share with us the beneficial experience and positive
lessons discovered in their decades working with men, women, and
children to navigate divorce and still keep the security,
stability, and emotional health of the children intact. Vignettes
from and interviews with parents, children, and other therapists
are included, and the tragic story of broken marriage is told
through letters from mothers, fathers, children, and grandparents,
and through the authors' answers to those letters. The responses
highlight strong needs and sound approaches, to empower good times
and help families face, deal with, then minimize the bad. Topics
addressed include when and how to tellthe children, moving out,
setting schedules and visits, the need for flexibility, handling
anger and frustration and assuring it does not get directed at the
children, communicating, avoiding secrets, and maintaining
relationships with grandparents and other relatives. At the core of
this book lies one simple truth: though adult relationships may
change, the love for children remains constant. Here, Lippman and
Lewis educate us--in mind and heart--about how to best love and
nurture our children during what can be one of the deepest losses
they will face in their lifetimes.
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